Friday, 9 June 2017

Peaks and Troughs and then Low Low Tory Troughs

Well I always say I don't blog because I don't do anything blog-worthy, and today I ended up on the 6 o'clock news (and potentially the 10 o'clock news).

Another reason I lost my enthusiasm for blogging, is that I suddenly felt it was self-indulgent and that I was being very narcissistic, and I've just proven that theory by writing about the fact that my mug got on the telly rather than the results of the BLOODY ELECTION!

I honestly had lost all hope. Jen, Claire, Lauren and Kayt have ALL said to me this week that hoping is the worst part, and I realised they were right. I couldn't bear the disappointment of another crushing Tory victory, after daring to hope for a slightly different outcome.

I've been so angry this week, walking home from work (it takes 1 hour 45 minutes) to calm down and try to think zen thoughts. But I would get myself all worked up thinking about people voting Tory. Like... I get they might be super rich and have never met a poor person... but can't they imagine for a second what it would be like to NOT be super rich? Can't they screw their eyes up tight and really try to concentrate, and think about what it must be like to be poor in a Tory Paradise with no NHS and no free school meals and no fucking job opportunities and also no benefits?

And if they can imagine it and put themselves in everyone else's place for a second, then why would they vote Tory?? It must be because they don't have any empathy whatsoever.

The definition of a psychopath is someone who doesn't have any empathy, isn't it?

As for Tory voters who aren't super rich... well. What the fuck is wrong with them??

You can see my train of thought.

But then.

Whattdya know?

Not only was it not a landslide victory, but it wasn't a victory at all. It was a hung parliament - is it was anyone's game! Jeremy Corbyn *technically* had as much right to form a government as May...

I woke up to the sound of Lauren, Jen and Lauren's sister (who moved to London last week and got herself a job today, the streets are paved with gold I tell you) laughing and being loud and generally sounding excited.

I got out of bed to discover what had been happening through the night...

Labour had done really well, and all the doubters had to finally admit that Jeremy Corbyn has done very well.

I'm sorry but I hope all the senior Labour MPs who declared him unfit to lead, and who said that nobody would for him, realise now that it DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY THINK.

It matters what VOTERS think.

And especially young voters, this time round.

I'm not saying that in a disrespectful way, but it makes sense that if the majority of young people want something to happen, then it will be reality soon enough. That's the future. I hear you singing 'the children are our future' - and yes, that's exactly my point.

Can I just say, also, that a few people made jokes about Jeremy Corbyn coming off his allotment or making jam today... how lovely is that? With David Cameron, people were making jokes about how he put his penis into the head of a dead pig.

Anyway, I was buzzing OFF MY TITS this morning and went to work wearing a red lippy.

Labour HQ is really close to my office so a few of us went to cheer Jeremy as he came out and got into his car. It was mostly TV cameras, but there was a handful of supporters and we stood in the rain and cheered.

A woman asked us if we would mind asking a few questions about why we voted Labour, and that's how I ended up on the news! I was so enthusiastic, she actually said to me 'But Labour haven't won the election'.

But things turned out better than I ever hoped they would, because there would be so many more MPs in Westminster to battle the Tories at every step! And also young people showed they can turn up and vote, which is great.

It was such an exciting day. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest. The future might not be so bleak after all..

Until May decided to form a coalition with a party that seemingly beamed into our lives from 800 years ago. I feel really bad for never having heard of them. I literally had no idea that Northern Ireland were dealing with such a dangerous, bigoted party.

And Theresa May called them her "friends".

She's a fucking piece of work, that one.

I took this at 10 Downing Street earlier this evening - the people have spoken:


Wednesday, 17 May 2017


God I love the rain.

I was just walking back from Canary Wharf (please disregard this as a clue to my whereabouts if you wish to find my location and do me harm... to everyone else: yes, I live quite close to Canary Wharf) and my feet were slipping and sliding round in my ballet pumps (a problem I've had since ballet pumps became the spring/summer/autumn footwear of choice for 95% of English girls about 12 years ago - surprised they haven't sorted it out yet with some kind of water-repellent insole) and my hair was stuck to my face and my jeans were clinging to me and my coat was soaked through (the same thin 'parker' coat Amo lent me the money to buy when I first moved to Paris... it took me ages to pay her the money back, because that first year I got paid monthly, in cash, and every time she came to visit from Disneyland she never picked the day I got paid on, which was pretty much the only time of the month I was guaranteed to have a pocket stuffed* with crisp fifty euro notes) but I was thoroughly enjoying myself because - and I literally just said this in the first line of the blog post but I'm saying it again for effect - I just love the rain.

Phew. I bet you thought that parenthesis-peppered paragraph would never end. (Alliteration always reminds me of writing stories in Primary School. The lovely lion lolled around lusciously! Oh my god. I've just had deja vu. Have I said that exact same thing before in a blog post??)


This is why I don't blog anymore, because I have so much to say that it comes out like a stream of lunacy/consciousness.

Basically, I was walking over the little bridge at Canary Wharf - it's quite futuristic especially in the rain when everything is slick and darkened, it reminds of La Defense - and I thought I'd really like to blog about the rain.

I guess I'm talking about spring/summer rain in particular.

I love the smell of it, before during and after, I love suddenly noticing how green everything is. I'm listening to the rain pour down outside as I type, and the sweet sound of birds singing underneath the sounds of falling water. The air feels fresh. Colours of the trees and buildings seem richer and more saturated, everything feels alive.

The thing is, it never rains in London. And I notice when it rains, so I know.

OH MY GOD the rain is so nice. I feel so vibrant, I couldn't wait to get off the tube and walk home in the rain, getting drenched and being surrounded by the noise and smell of a rainstorm. Well it isn't a rainstorm, but it is raining a lot.

I listened to a radio program once about people's accents reflect the landscape they live. So Welsh people have melodic voices that go up and down like the Valleys, Manchester people (used to) have quite nasally voices caused by the pollution from the cotton mills, and people living in the Midlands sound flat, like the flat landscape around them.

I'm wondering if it's the same with rain. You see it never rains in the South, and a lot of Southern people are quite dry.

Not the people I know, who like fancy dress and telling stories and going to sex techno nights with men on leashes (I won't tell you who it is, but it starts with a B) - and I don't even want to set those things as the barometers for being 'not-dry' because everyone's different and you can be 'not-dry' (moist? wet? both sound terrible) in so many different ways and yet.

And yet a lot of people in London are DRY.

I can't even explain why.

I could talk to someone about them buying a house, or about work, and it would be interesting. You talk to someone else about the same things and it's the most boring thing in the world. I guess people are dry and hard to talk to when there's no self-deprecation. I think that's it - if someone's telling you that they are really good at their job and then don't quantify it with a story about how they once slipped on a dog poo or something, then there isn't anywhere for the conversation to go.

I feel like this has been a really mean blog post but it's not about anyone in particular, I was just enjoying the rain and the thought came to me about how dry places beget dry people.


I've just thought about all the dry places in the world that have really vibrant cultures. I'll shut up.

Oh my god. Forget everything I just said.

I'm tempted to delete all of that but I want to try a new thing where I just write without editing and then maybe I can write more on Left Bank Manc.

So I'll leave it there for now. Please don't tell anyone what I said about dry places and dry people. I didn't mean it. I love London and I've met so many nice people, it's just sometimes I end up in the worst conversations with people and I'm normally not that bad at conversing. I'm never bad if I've got someone moist/wet to bounce off.

Let's stop there.

*if you can stuff a pocket with twelve notes... actually that sounds like a lot. I'll let myself have that. Although if I'm being picky the notes were normally hidden in rolled-up socks in my drawer and I'd only ever take one or two out... But I'm not being picky - back to the intro we go! Unless you're reading this at the end of the blog post... In which case, can you even remember what this asterisk is about??

Saturday, 22 April 2017


JESUS I haven't written on here for the longest time ever, I know Left Bank Manc is kind of over but I can't bear to let it go.

Maybe when I'm an old lady I'll take it up again, and spend my retirement writing about my grey pubes and the queues in the Post Office. If my pubes and the Post Office haven't been obliterated by nuclear war by then. If I'm even alive and not just a sentient binary code floating around in cyperspace...

Do we still use binary code?? I have no idea how the internet works. All I know is when they offer me the chance to live forever in a computer I will say no thanks.

We are racing towards a dystopian future! Maybe that is why I don't blog anymore! Because what the hell am I supposed to say apart from isn't the news shit can you bear to think about the people of Syria because I can't!

Anyway. I thought about doing a blog after the attack at Westminster, because I work right next to it and I wanted to say 'Don't believe the news, my non-British readers'. London did not shut down. I couldn't get my normal tube home from Westminster, but everything was fine a few streets down at Victoria.

I'm not saying it wasn't extremely sad that those people died - I had to switch off an interview with the American woman who's husband had been killed, because I was crying and I just couldn't bear any more Sad News - but it wasn't like the terrorists had had any major impact on London.

Facebook sent me a notification saying 'Your friend Anna (who lives in Manchester and doesn't know whereabouts I live or work in London) has asked if you're safe.' So I selected the 'yes' option and the next thing I know, there was a bloody post on Facebook 'Left Bank Manc has marked herself safe in the Westminster attack' and I just thought for fuck's sake.

If people log on and see that some of their friends AREN'T safe, they're going to panic. I understand why Facebook has done the 'safe in the attack' thing when there is a large-scale attack, but when there is a very concentrated incident it does more harm than good.

It's not like they do it for every crime. Last weekend 20 people were sprayed with acid in a club in Dalston. Imagine the panic if everyone had started randomly proclaiming themselves 'safe from the acid attack that I was nowhere near'. (Don't worry most of the people suffered minor burns and are going to be ok.)

****UPDATE: The victims are not ok. It was so much more serious than I thought after reading the first article about it. Their lives have been ruined forever, it was horrific. I've just read a more recent article about the victims and it has chilled my blood. Those poor people.****


I didn't want to talk about scary things.

I'm actually applying for jobs at the moment and one of them was for a travel company. I wondered if I could link to some of my posts on here in my application... given the lewd, crude and disgusting content I think not.


I've been thinking about quitting my job and going freelance. The only issue is that I don't have any money saved up, and I have a few expensive things coming up (ie. holidays) in the next couple of months.. BUT if I went freelance I would get paid a decent rate, which would mean I would only have to work for one week each month to pay bills and rent.

Obviously I would need to work a lot more than one week a month, but I'm thinking short-term, just when I'm getting started, I could manage.

If I went freelance I would have more time to blog and work on my novel... Even if it never gets published and is a bag of shit, I think I'll feel like a failure if I don't at least write down the story that's almost finished in my head.

Should I quit my job?

It's becoming so boring and samey... I know there are worse jobs (I've had all the worst jobs, so don't even start) but life is too short to feel bored and lost and vaguely frustrated all day, right??


I want to hand my notice in and go freelance. I do I do I do!

But also don't want to be super skint again, and panicking about finding work. I've spoken to a couple of people I know who do freelance copywriting/design and they say go for it.


Let's have a tune to cheer us up: