I think that - whenever I plan on writing a blog post about the drama of STILL trying to complete my tax return seven months after my first attempt... or going to a party and wrestling a man called Crazy Ray and then accepting to go on a date with him even though everybody was hissing 'You can't go on a date with Crazy Ray, he's crazy!'... or giving two girls at work the Heimlich maneuver, forcing dry pork to fly out of their throats, all the while still chewing on a tough piece of park that came from the same meze plate at an office party... (yes that really happened and I have wanted to mention it on here for ages because I can't believe the Heimlich maneuver actually works!) - I think 'What is the fucking point in writing about that', so I write a blog post in my head instead and leave it at that.
I have literally just this second seen the news about the shooting in Tunisia. Don't you feel like things are accelerating now, all of a sudden, spiraling towards the dark last chapter? All of us are like those authors who claim they had the last chapter written all along. I never know whether to believe them or not.
So I was going to write a blog post about my recent trip back to Paris and something else I feel the need to blog about, but I feel weird now.
There are astronauts in training to go and live on Mars.
Can you feel everything accelerating, towards the dark future, towards Total Recall and Blade Runner? (I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but there is a website called Bot Poetry that asks you to guess if poetry has been written by a robot or a human.)
You really have to be bright and - get ready to be sick a little bit in your mouth - you have to have a heart full of 'love'. I think things are very black and white.You either have a heart full of hate - whether it's hate for Western tourists, immigrants, Muslims, non-Muslims, people on benefits, anyone - or you have a heart full of the L-word, or at least an open heart.
So open your heart, peace and love etc. etc.
One thing that cheers me up is imagining how, once the world as we know it turned to shit and faded (fast), then there will still be wind in the trees, sunshine on a stone wall, maybe a cat stretching out on top of it, or at least weeds and flowers growing up it if all the animals have gone too. I don't think the animals will go though, do you?
Time is moving so fast. Recently my friend ran a race on the one year anniversary of her brother's death, to raise money for Mind, the mental health charity. Did you know that suicide is the biggest killer of young men in the UK? How fast one year goes.
My friend Jess has had a baby, at Christmas my cousin Chloe announced she is pregnant...and my cousin Sophie and her boyfriend left London forever and moved back to the Lakes. Kayt turned 30 last week which is why I went to Paris - she went with her boyfriend Adam but I DID NOT crash their romantic weekend... My friend Beth is getting married soon, my other friend Jen who moved to Australia for two years when I was still living in Paris now lives in the UK and is engaged. Amy is back from her year in Australia in four days. My friend Lauren was sent to New York for work and she flew Business Class. I remember going to see her in her new office when she had just started and it was just the sort of job she's always wanted.
I also remember sitting outside her office with her just before my RADA audition. I'd come back from Paris for the weekend and my mum was ill in hospital with a mysterious infection...
My mum has just had an offer put in on the house, so hopefully she can finally move on now from her strange and nasty, cheating, sociopath ex-husband. She is still getting on well with her new boyfriend..
I've gone from being an intern and working in a pub to being a full-time copywriter. Also. It seems I might have to reconsider my views on the Boyfriend Train as I might now appear to possibly be somehow on it.
I'm trying to think of an explanation that doesn't make me look wrong, but so far all I can think is that maybe I wrong about not being able to buy a ticket - you can.
That makes it sound as though I have purchased a boyfriend with cash.
I would like to stress that is not the case.
I don't know even know if anyone is still reading, but I will back soon to blog about Paris and maybe to make some amends to my Boyfriend Train theory.
If only for Amy to read.
Who will be back in the UK very soon!!