Friday, 17 October 2014


Spot the difference:

Blade Runner (image from here)

La Defense

Bloody hell. This morning my eyes snapped open at 7am. I threw back the covers to discover I was fully-dressed, still wearing my jumper, jeans and socks- the lot. I'd also gone to sleep with my bedroom light on.

I was only supposed to meet Jen for a one drink after wor, then her French friend from work showed up and it turned into a few drinks. When we got out of the pub it was raining really hard and all the buildings around us were black. It really reminded me of Paris- I KNOW I KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT BUT LISTEN- that dark heavy sci-fi rain that would fall on La Defense as I looked out Georgie's window, or sat in Julia's car as she drove round the périphérique.

Jen looked at my face, "Are you crying??" she asked and I was- proper bawling my eyes out and I hadn't even noticed. It was that ridiculous drunk crying that has no rhyme or reason and I stopped as soon as I realised what I was doing. Me and Jen both got the tube to Bank and after saying goodbye to Jen and getting on my next tube, I was calm and content. I even tried to drunkenly read my book.
(I love it when you are really, really drunk and can still manage to read a book- your confused brain makes everything in the book seem crazily real.)

But when I got off the tube I started again- I got off the main road and onto an empty stretch of road and just started crying hysterically as the rain soaked me through, like I was in playing a crying girl in a cheesy comedy. 

I got home and just lay on the floor sobbing, then apparently went to bed in all my clothes. I don't remember going upstairs.

Jen gave me one of her tablets for vertigo, because I told her I've had a couple of incidents where I've been really dizzy for no reason and she said it sounds vertigo. Maybe it was the tablet that turned me into a hysterical mess. I was crying, but at least I wasn't dizzy.

I feel a bit crackers to be honest. I want to be calm and full of peace, warm and light with no room for anything else.

I have started doing yoga with my cousin Sophie- so far I have only been to two classes. The first week we went we got chased by a fox- at first we were pleasantly surprised to see a fox strutting about at half six in the evening, then it started running so we panicked and started running and it kept chasing us.

Maybe it was just running in the same direction as us, because it dove off into an alleyway before it got to us, or maybe it wanted to savage our legs and ankles and drag us back to its fox cave- you decide.

I've always wanted to do yoga. Some of the poses make me shake like an old man and some of them just make me laugh- keep holding your legs in the air and now lower them very slowly so your knees are by your ears and your feet are on the floor behind you K THEN.

The class is in a strange dance studio/workshop/flat in a warehouse. People live and work there, building their homes around them from scaffolding and recycled wood. I would quite like to live somewhere like that but I don't think they would want to live with someone who works in advertising. 

THIS REMINDS ME. My trip to Paris that I keep dragging out... I will just finish it off now, quickly. Me and Julia were walking down the street wondering what to do when she noticed boxes of vegetables in the street. We were debating whether they were there to take or not, when a man came of what we thought was an empty shop and told us to take them. He also asked us if we wanted free coffee, so we went inside and he told us they were a squat cafe community project thing.

We spent an afternoon there talking to the two guys about writing and art- Julia told them she was an artist and I told them I was a writer, but then I mentioned how I work in advertising and the two guys mockingly hissed and made signs of the cross against me.

Anyway. That was that. I got the coach back to London later that day and had just enough time to have a shower and get dressed before going straight to work. I wasn't sad to leave Paris at all, because it was my birthday that day and it was lovely.

That was AGES ago now. I can't believe it was over three months ago.

Enough with the past- here's something exciting. On Saturday I am going to Balkan Beats and I AM SO EXCITED and then in a few weeks I am going to Berlin.

Kimono Kaity who I have mentioned a couple of times is my secret friend, who nobody else has ever met. We were saying the other day it's quite nice to have a friend like that, almost like we are each other's imaginary friend. (I know what you're thinking and I'm pretty sure she's not my imaginary friend, I'm not that crackers.)

She left London to move to New York and now she's back and moving to Berlin, which is very exciting for her but also exciting for me because I'm going to go and stay with her at the end of this month.

In the meantime, if are dubious about the chasing fox read this article- they really do hurt people! They're not scared of humans anymore, it is literally a waiting game to see how long before they really start acting batshit crazy and tearing the city up, just because they can.

The fox that I saw with my cousin had a strangely human face as well, there was something uncanny about it.

By the way my cousin Sophie is leaving London- her and her boyfriend are moving up North. I guess most people leave eventually but I don't think I will ever leave, unless I move back to Paris. That is the last time I will mention Paris I promise (let me clarify that I absolutely do not promise). From now on it's all about Berlin, ja?


  1. I haven't been able to read your blog for so long so I read 5 or 6 articles in a row and I definitely miss you ! I hope your grandmother is doing well and I am seriously thinking about coming to England for a week around new year's eve, Kayt invited me and I really really want to come ! Enjoy Berlin, you are so lucky to go.

    1. Yes come come for NYE! Pleeease come to England...

  2. FINALLY caught up with your blog! I discovered you a couple months ago and have just been reading reading reading ever since. I'm sorry I've been that silent reader who's too shy to comment on anything but now I have a question to ask you because I'm getting rather . . . frazzled.

    I've been applying to various families in Paris on since August but no one is accepting me, except a couple which I had to turn down because one required infant care which I'm not comfortable with, and one was live-in, which I'm also not comfortable with. I don't know, maybe I'm too young (18) or do New Zealanders have a bad rep in France or something? Am I being too fussy? My only set "requirements" are a family in Paris with separate accommodation for me and children older than 4, though I've started applying to families with 2-3-year-olds because I'm getting desperate.

    Basically my question was do you reckon I'm too young or what, like I will graduate high school next month with excellent grades, I'm friendly and mature, heaps of childcare experience, all that job interview blah blah blah. How long did it take you to find a family the first time? I'm starting to wonder if I should go through an agency. I only chose not to because it's so damn expensive and for me personally a waste of money because I don't need the meetups/visa help/etc, and flights from NZ are already $1200+.

    Sorry about the big ramble. I really love your blog, I think you're down to earth and hilarious and I would DEFINITELY read it all again if you published it. Good luck with your future (mis)adventures!


    1. Thanks for finally commenting! Hmm I'm not sure about the age thing, I'm assuming you're 18? Some families do prefer slightly older au pairs, but actually it's really common for girls to au pair straight after doing their A Levels (so when they are 18). 18 is a pretty normal age to au pair, and as long as you've said in your application that you have experience and are mature etc etc I don't see why it should be a problem.

      If you don't want to look after very young children, stick to your guns and keep looking for older kids. There are LOADS of families looking, I guess it depends on when you want to go, maybe you're looking too far in advance?

      Just keep looking, you'll find a family that's right for you. I don't know anybody that got their au pair or nanny job through an agency, so I can't really advise you on that, but I do know loads of girls that got their jobs through au pair world, so keep going. Good luck, let me know how it goes!