Saturday, 24 May 2014

You Kip

When I was having a wee before, I could hear the Arctic Monkeys through the window. They were playing a gig in Finsbury Park and it's so close I could every lyric and every whoop from the crowd (hope this doesn't give my Top Secret Location away).

They sounded alright actually and I don't really like the Arctic Monkeys. I liked them when they first came out- I used to love bopping about to You Look Good on the Dancefloor in indie clubs (£1 vodka red bull in hand) but then Alex Turner shrugged off his spotty teenager image and now seems to be a bit of a dickhead. I cringed at his Brit's speech in February:

Wow Alex, I don't think rock n roll fans assumed their beloved genre of music was dead, just because the Arctic Monkeys hadn't released an album in a while.

In completely other news... it looks as though anti-Europe party UKIP have gotta lotta lotta seats in European Parliment.

It's so, so sad.

People are so, so stupid.

This week, a girl I went to Primary School with posted an image on Facebook, made up of a photo of a man wearing a KKK hood, emblazoned with the St George cross; and three women in burkas, one giving the finger to the camera. Letters stamped across the image read:

"If you walked down the street like this (meaning KKK hood) you'd be arrested and called a racist."

Yes, correct.

"Yet if you walked down the street in this (meaning burka) it's called freedom of expression"

Erm... I'm not sure how much 'freedom' women in burkas have but yes, ladies can walk down the street in burkas if they want to, in the same way that, if I want to put a blanket over my head and creep down the street pretending I'm Harry Potter under my invisibility cloak... then I NOBODY CAN STOP ME.

"What's the difference? Stop the double standards. This is racist to us British."

Obviously a very angry and strange person created this 'graphic' (on Paint, I think), but I don't think the girl who posted it really understood it... I've not spoken to her for years, but from her posts she seems like a nice person. Sometimes she posts pictures of her terrifying-looking bull terrier, along with the tagline 'my sexy dog' or 'my pretty diva' and once she linked to a group that insists 'any dog, any breed, can be dangerous. Ban bad owners' (yes ok, but she would also ban toddler-mauling breeds of dog, just to be on the safe side) but other than that she seems relatively normal.

I commented on the photo:

Evil Dog Lover*, the KKK burn people alive and take people from their homes and murder them. Ladies wear burkas because they want to cover their face, it's been part of their culture for hundreds of years.

Now I know burkas aren't smiley rainbow head garments of gender equality (and that's putting it lightly), but come on... the KKK are the KKK. I'm rrrrreaally hoping this girl didn't recognise the KKK hood. Anyway, a few of her friends liked it and she didn't reply with an angry YEH BT I HATE BURKAS or anything, so I'm guessing that means she was confused and/or (hopefully) enlightened.

If you think I'm being smug and patronising...

Am I being super smug and patronising??

This is my blog, I can be sumg and patronising if I want to!!

Now I'm doing that face annoying people do where they smile and squint their eyes as they tell you something you already know in a loud voice.

I just feel like this is the end now, things are wrapping up. If our civilization was split into chapters, then this is the beginning of the end.

It seems as though a lot of people in Britain HATE Europe and they HATE poor people and they HATE people who can't get a job and they HATE immigrants and they HATE people who have weight issues.

When did that happen?

I thought we were supposed to hate rich people who avoided their taxes, but no. Gary Barlow has been in the news recently (you know when I say things like this it's for anyone who might be reading my blog in America or France or New Zealand, not because I think I'm the only person who keeps up with the news) for cheating the UK government out of MILLIONS of pounds in tax and everyone said: 'Awwwwwwwwwwwww, we still love him though."

Whereas when they made a program about poor people on benefits (Benefits Street), people were calling for the 'benefit scoungers' to be hung and shot.

YES!! Let's kill all the poor people, great idea. Let's round them up and fucking shoot them because they're POOR and it's disgusting to be poor and it's doubly disgusting to be poor and fat, so let's kill the them ones TWICE and then we'll go for the immigrants and then we'll cut our ties with Europe and float away into the Atlantic.

Do you know what else annoys me? Xenophobic Brits say they hate immigrants is because they're scared they will lose their English culture... Why don't they do Morris dancing? Seriously. Morris dancing is dying out. Not many young people are involved, so soon there could be no Morris dancing at all and it dates back to the 1400s.

Oh sorry? What's that? Morris dancing not the part of English culture you were referring to? You were referring to the part of British culture that only involves people of British origin? That Britain hasn't existed since THE IRON AGE.


Oh I've just gone on a massive rant and I wanted to tell you about when my mum came to London because we had such a nice weekend. We stayed in the nicest hotel I have ever stayed in and probably ever will stay in. I'll put up the photos tomorrow- the views from our window were amazing. I got a bit carried away. One evening I actually stood in front of the huge window, looking out at the starry cityscape and wearing the hotel dressing gown, and I did an evil laugh and I rubbed my hands together and I said,

"Let's kill all the poor people!!!!!!"


No I didn't.

I did order room service though.

I need to get some kip now. Which reminds me, have you seen the quote from UKIP spokesperson that is taking the internet by storm?


*Obviously that's not her name. That's not anybody's name


  1. Hahahaha this is part of the reason why I love you LBM! Do what I do - only follow rabid left-wingers on Twitter and then you only get sensible tweets that agree with your own line of thinking! I can recommend it, for keeping your sanity. Also, subscribe to Russell Brand's "The Trews" so those rubbish tabloids don't get you down. Bossy xx
    p.s. Caitlin Moran said she could hear the Artic Monkeys from her bath - no mention of doing any wees (unusually) so obviously you live round the corner from her and might bump into each other!

    1. Ooh I didn't know she lived near me! I better start thinking of what I would say to her if when I inevitably see her... I'm sure it will happen. I'll have a look at The Trews, thanks for commenting!

  2. You're so right LBM. I've been feeling so bloody depressed since all this UKIP business. I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore as everyone must be a secret UKIP voter. Who are they all
    ?? what's going on in this country?! I feel like calling them all stupid, too (which they are) but it's scares me that so many 'stupid' people can have such an effect... Things MUST change in time for the election.

    Just a little rant for you LBM, and keep up the good work!

    1. Thanks for your little rant, it's good to know people agree with me! That is exactly what I keep thinking- who ARE all these people who are voting for UKIP?? It seems as though it's happening all over Europe too... Really strange, I always thought rational left wing people were the majority...

    2. Rational left wing people probably are the majority, but the problem is a lot of ordinary people don't vote. There really aren't as many UKIP voters as it seems - it's just seems that way because turnout was very low. People who don't want UKIP have got to vote (this is where I don't agree with Russell Brand, who thinks nobody should vote)!

    3. Hopefully people have learnt that now and so more pepole will vote in the next election!!