I shouldn't be here, I won't stay long. I keep saying yes yes yes to everything and now I've got no time to do anything and as usual when I have lots of things to do they all pile up in my brain, watermarked images popping up on top of each other, colours getting deeper until it all just looks like a big brown cloud of smudged ideas.
Does anyone remember when I went through that weird stage of knickers showing up in my fridge and finding items when I needed them that weren't there before in the magic cupboard in the corner of my room? It's like somebody just keeps MESSING ABOUT with things and they think I won't notice... Well I've noticed!!
My bedroom window used to open and close NORMALLY whenever I wanted it to, I've never had a key for it. That reminds me of a story about my cat. Yes, already I'm one of those people- I HAVE A STORY ABOUT MY CAT. MY CAT LIKES THAT! MY CAT DOESN'T LIKE THAT! ME AND MY CAT ARE GETTING MARRIED. Anyway. A couple of days ago he went missing again, this time for 24 hours and I was obviously very, very worried about him, then at 4am I was dreaming about interviewing Linda Nolan for a music magazine and a little meow permeated my dream... It was lucky I woke up, because Rushdie was meowing outside my bedroom window, even though I sleep at the front of the flat and he has only ever been out the back.
How did he know it was my bedroom window if he has never seen that side of the flat before?? Don't you think that was clever of him?
I opened the window and he jumped up. Once again we were reunited but it did make me never want to let him outside ever again.
What was I talking about?
My window! I've just gone to open it and it's LOCKED. There is no key, there has never been a key. How is it locked??? Who is doing this??
Look, forget it. I can see you don't care and that's ok. I would care if it was you but only because I'm a really nice person...
The internship is going well, I think. I like it a lot but every day I suffer a minor social trauma and today I had to eat my sandwich down an alleyway in the rain, for reasons I won't go into.
I am trying to be sociable and normal but it just never seems to be the right time to start a conversation and everybody is getting on with their work anyway. It's just... do you know when you start something new and you feel locked inside yourself, too scared to go for a wee or to get a glass of water?
Maybe I am over-thinking it and nobody thinks I am an antisocial. If somebody talks to me I am chatty in return, there just aren't many opportunities for conversation. I spend most of my time 'researching' as there isn't a lot for me to do yet. Luckily I'm researching fashion trends and fashion shows which I am happy to do for hours. The only downside is that after three days of flicking through magazines I feel really fat, really ugly and really think I need to burn all my clothes as they are crap.
Someone in the office plays really good music and today they played a track that has been in my head for weeks and I've been asking everyone: "Do you know what this is? Babadada-dadadadada-da" and nobody knows. It came on in Light Bar on Saturday night (I came back down from Any Northern Mill Town for my flatmate's boyfriend's leaving party- he's going travelling for six months) and nobody knew what it was then, either.