Saturday, 7 December 2013

Any News?

I need to get Dial-A-Tramp up and running. Does anyone have three grand they can lend me? I need it to print some posters off- top quality ones on shiny paper-and then we'll be up and running. Now that I don't live in the rooftops of Paris we won't even need the bucket and pulley system. I'm going to ask that nice Big Issue man I met whilst flyering to get involved. He could be on the advert shouting 'Blue Blue Peekaboo' to announce his arrival with a carrier bag full of chocolate bars.

I really think it could work. When Kayt told a Real Businessman about our idea he said it could actually work if we used young boys instead but as I said at the time, the name 'Dial-A-Young-Boy' has some unwelcome connotations. It would be a good way for teens to earn a few quid at the weekends- cycling round, responding to calls from hungover, lazy people :

"Come please, we need fizzy liquid. And chicken crisps."

Are you convinced? I'm trying to wish Dial-A-Tramp (remember, the name is ironically provocative) into existence because I need to get some chocolate from the shop, but there's no way I can leave the flat- I'm working in the pub later so I don't want to get dressed and go out until absolutely necessary. There's some copywriting work I should be doing but... I'm working later, I can't work in the day too. God.

The pub's ok. They play quite good music sometimes, hilarious covers mixed with old school RnB and soul classics. I've got the words solitary sister in my head, but I can't remember the rest of the song. When I got the job I thought that perhaps I could transform myself into a vivacious Barbra Windsor type but it turns out your boobs don't grow just because you become a barmaid. I'm not really a barmaid either, not in the sexy, tart-with-a-heart Bet Lynch way. When builders come to the bar with their hi viz jackets on, to order a round for the 'lads', they call me 'mate'. Yesterday I thought someone called me 'sailor' and I went ballistic because it was a step TOO FAR but it turns out he said 'sweetheart' in a ridiculous cockney accent.

The accent takes some getting used to. We have an ale called 'Runner' and it took me a few shifts to figure out what a 'ranna' was.

News, news. Do I have any news?

Last night my friend Anna stayed over, who I haven't seen for two years since she left Paris and went to travel the world. I'm jealous, I don't know if I'll ever get to go travelling in the way I always thought I would. If I saved up for a year and went traveling for 12 months, I'd be two years older when I came back and in the same position I'm in now ie. nowhere.

News, news... any other news?

Oh. As far as Person I Sometimes Go Out for Drinks With goes... I can't really afford one of those at the moment so it's more a case of Person I Visit In His Flat... At Night Time.


In other news, last week I got a nice surprise after work. Lauren called me and said Jen had got free tickets through work for a musical. I met up with Lauren at Covent Garden and we looked at the Christmas tree then walked to the theatre and met Beth. Jen didn't want to come, which made me a bit suspicious, but it was really good. It was 'Stephen Ward The Musical', based on 'the Profumo Affair' that happened in the 60s, which I had never heard of.

As none of us had had time to research the show or the historical events it was based on, none of knew what to expect. One scene in particular took us rather by surprise- lots of old men in their underwear being whipped and spanked and a man in a gimp mask singing 'Touch me! Come on and touch me!' If I'd have have known the play was about rich, posh people... I would have seen it coming.

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