Tuesday, 15 October 2013

Lady Gardens

Yesterday I saw something disturbing. I was guiltily watching Game of Thrones instead of making a start on all the copywriting work I have to do this week, when I saw something on screen that made me feel a bit ill. One of the characters was being horrifically tortured and crawling round  a dungeon floor while his captors advanced menacingly, wielding a scythe with which they intended to cut his willy off. Then I saw it.

Two naked women were stood in the background- they were there for a good reason but I won't say why in case it spoils it for anyone who hasn't seen Season 3 yet. One of them was covering her vajayjay with her hands and the other one wasn't. And the one that wasn't had had a fucking Brazilian wax!!!!

What's awful is that the director and the costume/hair and make-up people must have discussed it at length- in a big-budget television series set in an ancient, magical world where there is so much attention to detail that they even went to the trouble of inventing new languages and creating different architecture styles for each city (yes I admit it, I bought the box set of Season 1 and watched all the extras), for authenticity's sake they obviously had to make sure that any Lady Gardens on show were lush, wild and growing free.

The fact that they didn't show a woman with a big, natural bush, thus betraying their own common sense and artistic integrity, means that they found a woman's pubic hair so disgusting and frightening that they just COULDN'T show it on TV. Each female character has her own hairstyle, based on the character's personality and ethnicity and cultural heritage, but this girl was allowed in a scene looking like she'd just walked out of Ministry of Waxing, ready for a night out on the town getting lashed on vodka, lime and sodas with the girls from the office.

They can show boobs and bums, men having their hands cut off, dead girls tied to the bed frame with arrows sticking out of their limbs; but they just CANNOT show a woman with a massive, hairy bush.

I've always had strong opinions about pubic hair.

I'll say it again because I can't believe I just said that:

I've always had strong opinions about public hair.


No, seriously, I have.

Some of my friends think it is ridiculous. They cannot believe that there are fellers out there who have been exposed to the horror of my overgrown Lady Garden.

I say, I will never care. Sometimes, if the mood takes me, I will do some light gardening and on occasion I have even had a Brazilian gardener called in, purely because I'm going on holiday and little hairs curling around the edge of my bikini bottoms will ruin the overall aesthetic I was going for.

But waxing is a choice, not a necessity. It shouldn't be normal to wax. It's fine, of course it's fine- we can do whatever we want with our beavers- but it shouldn't be normal. Girls as young as twelve shouldn't be taking themselves to the salon to get rid of all their pubic hair- that's not normal. Pubic hair is normal.

At the moment I'm reading 'How To Be A Woman' by Caitlin Moran (I can't believe it's taken me this long to get round to it) and she perfectly articulates what I have been trying to tell my friends for years:

"If you ask the question, 'Why do 21st-century women feel they have to remove their pubic hair?' the answer is, 'Because everybody does in porno.'... But the hairlessness isn't there for the excitingness... all porn stars wax because, if you remove all the fur, you can see more when you're doing penetrative shots."

Ha! Women in porn films wax so that their intimate parts are exposed for the camera, much in the same way a vet will shave a little rat or poodle before an operation.

So there's no need for non-porno women to have baldy beavers. But like I said before, we can do whatever we want down there, so if girls want to feel like porn stars and have their bits all exposed, then they should definitely get it all waxed off and enjoy themselves...


Ygritte defending her Lady Garden

I've not read the books, but I assume there is no internet porn industry in the 'seven kingdoms', so nobody would expect the girls to be smooth and hairless. If anything, I think they would braid their bushes and entwine them with little flowers.

This reminds me of a story about my mum's friend Jane, who passed away two years ago. She didn't always shave her armpits and they were really hairy. One day they were planning a night out and my mum said something to Jane about her armpit hair. Jane said she would do something about it, as they going to a club. Later that night, in the club, Jane lifted up her arms and there was a mass of dark hair there, covered in glitter gel. 


  1. The irony is, if they'd have left it natural they might have turned the fashion for bare round again...

    1. Yes! Game of Thrones is so popular, it really would have worked. Also, when I was Googling 'naked ladies in Game of Thrones' to try and get a photo of the offending Brazilian I spoke of, loads of Game of Thrones-inspired porn shoots came up, it might have even had a knock-on effect on the porn industry had they gone in for the whole pubic hair thing...
      Left Bank Manc

  2. I'm totally with you LBM (can't get the hang of the real name thing). Well said, we should be proud of our lady bushes.

    1. Yeah I wish my name was still LBM too :( But yey for lady bushes :)

  3. And really, I find it creepy that men like a bald "woman". It's very juvenile-looking which is rather concerning.

    1. Yeah it is a bit creepy on a grown woman...

  4. I'm with you! What I find the weirdest is that is definitely wasn't that way in my late teens or even early twenties. I even remember the Sex and the City episode where Carrie is shocked by her first Brazilian. So how do we suddenly, within a decade, go to "pubic hair is hideous and abnormal and you must be ashamed"? Nope, not buying it.

  5. Though I agree with all above that it would be better to show full bush on Game of Thrones, whether it is more historically accurate is debatable. Tending to the lady garden is not limited to modern times. See below...

    1. Somebody told me about this last weekend and I actually changed my mind on the issue a bit... let it never be said that I am stubborn! My friend's boyfriend told me how they would do it Roman times so I guess MAYBE Game of Thrones made a historically accurate decision but come on, they blatantly did it because they hate lady gardens as well.