Here I am, in Any Northern Mill Town, feeling restless and sick and looking at cows. A woman in a cowboy hat is going past on a mobility scooter. A crow is picking at an apple on a tree.
What am I doing?
Last night I went to Amy's for Hot Dog Night (how to feed three people on £1.30) and decided to leave early instead of staying over, because I felt snide leaving my mum alone for another night. I marched to Piccadilly through the dark tunnels and quiet warehouses of the red light district (sadly didn't have time to pick up any jobs) and only just made my train... After about twenty minutes, I realised I was on the wrong train and had to get off somewhere called Newton for Hyde- an empty, dark platform made out of quarry stones, definitely a Northern Mill Town but unfortunately, not the one I was trying to get to.
I've always hated this part of Manchester and now I find myself living in it. I used to think the suburbs were depressing but Northern Mill Town Country is something worse- neither urban cool nor rural loveliness, it's just shitty nothingness.
The next train back into Manchester wasn't for forty minutes, so I called my mum to say I wouldn't be home for hours, maybe I'd even have to stay at Amy's. (If only I'd done that in the first place.) My mum was in the pub with some new single friends who'd invited her out, but she looked at a map and said she could pick me up in the car.
I sat in the little seating area under a buzzing strip light, squatting midgies away and I thought: "This can't be my life."
My mum showed up and took me back to the pub so she could finish her white wine spritzer. We ended up staying for about an hour and a half. I spent most of the time sat right in front of the band, awkwardly perched on a stool and not knowing where to look, while my mum and her friend chatted away somewhere behind me.
In the end I asked her friend for a cigarette and sat outside smoking sulkily, while they discussed cheating husbands and ex-boyfriends. I wondered what my mum would say, seeing me smoke for the first time. She looked at me for a minute and said:
"Don't you smoke funny?"
It is definitely time to go. Tonight we're both 'staying out', then tomorrow we're having a big family thing for my uncle's birthday, then Sunday I'm going to a christening in Liverpool... and on Monday I'm getting the coach back to London. If I spend any more time on the Megabus I'll turn into one, but as soon as I got back from London on Wednesday night, I got a message from Megan (G.Shore's lady friend who me and Kayt chummed when she came to Paris and G.Shore was at work). Megan said that she'd read my last blog post and was sad that I hadn't found a job yet, so she texted her mate who runs a restaurant in London and I have an interview on Monday.
I've decided I'd rather be in London waitressing than not be in London at all. It's definitely what I want.
By the way I do have some vaguely more interesting things to blog about... But I just wanted to get a few things off my chest first.