Do I need to tell you what happened on Saturday night, or can you guess?
It's the predictability that bores me.
This is so embarrassing, why did I have to mention it, why??
I wish I'd never said anything because now I can't get away with not telling you what happened.
(No, I didn't mean to do that big line down my dress. Yes, my hair does actually look like that.)
I just wanted to feel normal (Sex and the City has made me feel that, as a single girl living
in a big city, I should be going on 'dates' twice a week, with men I
meet in bars/parties/public lavatories) and to lose my nickname as the Pariah of Paris- homeless people shout it at me as I walk past, old ladies in Franprix whisper it as I queue up with my cliched singleton staples: wine and chocolate or sometimes, if I fancy a nice change, gin and gummy bears.
For anyone who hasn't read my previous posts detailing my thrilling affair with Mizmiz Man, basically:
I saw someone in Le Mizmiz who I fancied, then decided to chase him down the street to ask for his number. Since then we have arranged to meet up on nights out and he seems keen, but then doesn't show up. I decided to write him off and stopped replying to his text messages.
But then he left me a voicemail and I remembered what a sexy voice he has... so I decided to get in touch one last time. For once, we actually made a concrete plan, naming the day, the time and the place:
Aux Folies at Belleville.
DUN DUN DUNNNN.
The night before, Mizmiz Man asked me to go to his friend's party. I said no because I was already going to Glaz'art with B for a dub night which, by the way, was brilliant. The music was really good and we danced all night. Although, a weird thing happened...
A man in a wheelchair started chatting to me and when I tried to fob him off (because he was a lot older than me and unattractive, not because he was in a wheelchair) he grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go, which was a bit creepy. Later on he wheeled into the girls' toilets as B and I were leaving. We told him to get out but he came in anyway and kind of trapped me in the corner with his chair- I had to clamber over one of this wheels to escape. Perhaps the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me in the girls' toilets. (Apart from that girl in Le Violon Dingue who weed in a pint glass whilst stood next to me in the queue.)
I suppose we should admire him for not letting his wheelchair get in the way of his dream- his dream of sexually assaulting women.
Ok, so he probably didn't want to assault me, but if a creepy guy comes into the Ladies and traps me in the corner then, chair or no chair, I ain't sticking around out to find out what his intentions are.
I expected to feel like shit the next day at work but actually, it wasn't too bad. I had a one hour nap when I got home to try and snooze the bags away from under my eyes. I couldn't nap for any longer though, because I was so nervous. When I woke up I felt sick with nerves about meeting Mizmiz Man. It suddenly seemed like the thing I wanted to do least in the whole world.
And then he texted me saying that he had family in town and they had a new baby that he wanted to see, so could we meet later if that was ok?
I knew it. I knew then that he wouldn't end up coming. Kayt had her boyfriend and his friend visiting, so I went and met up with them instead. Mizmiz Man called about 8.30pm to say that he was having dinner with his aunt and his baby cousin, what were my plans? I told him I wasn't sure yet but that when I found out I would text him. The whole thing was pointless.
Me, Kayt, her boyfriend and his pal went to Point Ephémère (the music was unbelievably atrocious, to the point where we were asking each other 'How do you know Janice and Tony?' because it was like a shit wedding... 'Tony did my windows three years ago') and then Chez Moune. Obviously Mizmiz Man didn't come, or get in touch to say he wasn't coming.
I know it's not a big deal but in my head Mizmiz Man has come to represent every single man on the planet and therefore they have ALL rejected me.
What I don't understand is, why does he bother calling me and texting me? Was he really with his aunty and his cousin? It seemed like a weird lie.
There is no need to lie, there is no need to make up excuses, there is no need to be suspicious, shady and flaky...
Just don't contact me.
It's pretty simple, Mizmiz Man.
So. There you go readers, I told you I was going on a date and there's my sum up of the date: nothing, that came from nothing.
I hate the word 'date' anyway, I don't know why I keep using it. I feel embarrassed for myself, using the word date when I don't really know what a 'date' is.
Olivia suggested that maybe Mizmiz Man was just Kayt putting on a man's voice, trying to boost my confidence. It's a credible theory, but Kayt was there when I spoke to Mizmiz Man on the phone, so I'm pretty sure he's a real person, just a very mystifying, elusive person... with a sexy voice... who clearly does not want to meet up with me, yet arranges to meet up with me on a regular basis.
So. There you go. Cheers.