Tuesday, 29 January 2013

Pariah of Paris

Do I need to tell you what happened on Saturday night, or can you guess?

It's the predictability that bores me.

This is so embarrassing, why did I have to mention it, why??

I wish I'd never said anything because now I can't get away with not telling you what happened.

(No, I didn't mean to do that big line down my dress. Yes, my hair does actually look like that.)

I just wanted to feel normal (Sex and the City has made me feel that, as a single girl living in a big city, I should be going on 'dates' twice a week, with men I meet in bars/parties/public lavatories) and to lose my nickname as the Pariah of Paris- homeless people shout it at me as I walk past, old ladies in Franprix whisper it as I queue up with my cliched singleton staples: wine and chocolate or sometimes, if I fancy a nice change, gin and gummy bears.

For anyone who hasn't read my previous posts detailing my thrilling affair with Mizmiz Man, basically:
I saw someone in Le Mizmiz who I fancied, then decided to chase him down the street to ask for his number. Since then we have arranged to meet up on nights out and he seems keen, but then doesn't show up. I decided to write him off and stopped replying to his text messages.

But then he left me a voicemail and I remembered what a sexy voice he has... so I decided to get in touch one last time. For once, we actually made a concrete plan, naming the day, the time and the place:

Aux Folies at Belleville.


The night before, Mizmiz Man asked me to go to his friend's party. I said no because I was already going to Glaz'art with B for a dub night which, by the way, was brilliant. The music was really good and we danced all night. Although, a weird thing happened...

A man in a wheelchair started chatting to me and when I tried to fob him off (because he was a lot older than me and unattractive, not because he was in a wheelchair) he grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go, which was a bit creepy. Later on he wheeled into the girls' toilets as B and I were leaving. We told him to get out but he came in anyway and kind of trapped me in the corner with his chair- I had to clamber over one of this wheels to escape. Perhaps the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me in the girls' toilets. (Apart from that girl in Le Violon Dingue who weed in a pint glass whilst stood next to me in the queue.)

I suppose we should admire him for not letting his wheelchair get in the way of his dream- his dream of sexually assaulting women.

Ok, so he probably didn't want to assault me, but if a creepy guy comes into the Ladies and traps me in the corner then, chair or no chair, I ain't sticking around out to find out what his intentions are.

I expected to feel like shit the next day at work but actually, it wasn't too bad. I had a one hour nap when I got home to try and snooze the bags away from under my eyes. I couldn't nap for any longer though, because I was so nervous. When I woke up I felt sick with nerves about meeting Mizmiz Man. It suddenly seemed like the thing I wanted to do least in the whole world.

And then he texted me saying that he had family in town and they had a new baby that he wanted to see, so could we meet later if that was ok?

I knew it. I knew then that he wouldn't end up coming. Kayt had her boyfriend and his friend visiting, so I went and met up with them instead. Mizmiz Man called about 8.30pm to say that he was having dinner with his aunt and his baby cousin, what were my plans? I told him I wasn't sure yet but that when I found out I would text him. The whole thing was pointless.

Me, Kayt, her boyfriend and his pal went to Point Ephémère (the music was unbelievably atrocious, to the point where we were asking each other 'How do you know Janice and Tony?' because it was like a shit wedding... 'Tony did my windows three years ago') and then Chez Moune. Obviously Mizmiz Man didn't come, or get in touch to say he wasn't coming.

I know it's not a big deal but in my head Mizmiz Man has come to represent every single man on the planet and therefore they have ALL rejected me.

What I don't understand is, why does he bother calling me and texting me? Was he really with his aunty and his cousin? It seemed like a weird lie.

There is no need to lie, there is no need to make up excuses, there is no need to be suspicious, shady and flaky...

Just don't contact me.

It's pretty simple, Mizmiz Man.

So. There you go readers, I told you I was going on a date and there's my sum up of the date: nothing, that came from nothing.

I hate the word 'date' anyway, I don't know why I keep using it. I feel embarrassed for myself, using the word date when I don't really know what a 'date' is.


Olivia suggested that maybe Mizmiz Man was just Kayt putting on a man's voice, trying to boost my confidence. It's a credible theory, but Kayt was there when I spoke to Mizmiz Man on the phone, so I'm pretty sure he's a real person, just a very mystifying, elusive person... with a sexy voice... who clearly does not want to meet up with me, yet arranges to meet up with me on a regular basis.

So. There you go. Cheers.


  1. What . A . Loser!

    (mizmiz man, not you)

    1. Thanks Abigail. Hope he has fun with 'his aunty and his cousin'... prick.

  2. I feel your pain, sexy guy asked if I wanted his number in Halloween, I gave him mine, he then texted me his after I left (so, like, if for some reason he had asked for my number despite not being interested then I would have had no way of contacting him before that anyway) and since then has seemed to exclusively text me to say how busy he is (not that I've heard anything in like 2 months, so have obviously given up by this stage). But I'm the same, just don't text then, no need for the pre-emptive "I'm busy" when I hadn't even asked! Stupid mind game or something, nothing to do with your fabulousness I'm sure!

    1. It's so annoying, what happened to the good old fashioned 'completely ignoring a girl' if you're not interested?? Is it a French thing? Or just a strange man thing?

  3. This happens to me ALL the time in Paris... I really don't get it!
    Also glad that Glaz'art was fun I've never been before but thinking of heading there for the dnb night on Saturday. Just hope I don't run into scary wheelchair man!
    This is my first comment but have been reading your blog a while - love hearing about your experiences in Paris!

    1. Glaz'art is really good- it reminds me of a dingy English club, but it's bloody miles away from anywhere so if you go it's best to stay all night and get the first metro home. If you get the PC3 bus home in the morning, I warn you, it's an experience...

      Thanks for finally commenting!

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. Sorry i didn't mean to delete it!
    Hi! I've been following your blog for agesss, it's hilarious. (Obviously I don't mean what happened in this post is that funny though!) Anyway now I have the time, I decided to try and become an au pair in Paris myself and learn some french, (your advice has been really helpful BTW) I wondered how much experience with children you had yourself before starting and how long it took before you found a family? I have quite a bit experience but I would really like to live out and the families I find that can offer this get so many applications! I don't know whether I should just live in with a family as it might be easier. Sorry if I posted this in the wrong bit! x

    1. Hi, don't worry you can comment wherever you like. I'm glad my advice has been helpful. I said that I had a quite a lot of experience, but most of that was blagging- I mentioned my four little brothers, I said I did babysitting and asked my mum's friends to be references (even though I didn't babysit for them) but I had actually done quite a bit of work experience in schools, also I helped out at Brownies for a few months... As long as you actually like kids, there's nothing wrong with a bit of exaggeration. Be careful with babies though, I specifically said I had No Experience of babies because I was scared of looking after one!

      As for living in, I know a few people who did this and loved it, I guess it depends a little bit on how old you are, have you lived away from home before and do you get up to things that you wouldn't want your employer finding out about?

    2. Ha ok thanks! Can I ask one more thing? I have one family that seems great and perfect for me but the current au pair is advertising the position. She said she's had a great time but do you think this is strange and maybe she just really hates it there or is that quite common? I only ask because I don't want to turn up and it be like your first family! Thanks so much for your advice

    3. Is she advertising the position for next year, or for now, because she is leaving early?
      I remember when I first became an au pair, I used to go on the 'Au Pairs in Paris' Facebook group to look for friends (sob) and there was one girl advertising her au pair job, saying that it was really good, she liked the family etc, but I had met her in real life and she HATED her au pair family, they were horrible! She had a new job and it was easier for her to leave the horrible job if she found her own replacement.
      If she's advertising it for next year, maybe the family just thought it would help their search for a good au pair by getting their current one involved.

  6. Is the 17th a nice place to live? From your experience I mean!? Thank you

    1. It's a really posh area, a bit boring, but very safe!

    2. could you give a little overview of what your opinions are of each arrondissment? wikepedia is all well an good for info but i'd like a youthful opinion and some places you particularly like? i know that's a lot to ask but i would appreciate and value your thoughts. thank you :)

    3. You value my thoughts? Really? Oh alright then.... But this is going to be really, really brief

      1st: touristy, busy, lots of bars shops attractions etc.

      2nd: Business district with tourist attractions

      3rd an 4th: where The Marais is, the lovely old Jewish quarter. Full of good restaurants and bars and expensive boutiques and vintage shops. A little expensive, sometimes pretentious but still one of my favourite areas.

      5th: I don't like The Latin Quarter- it reminds me of 'the strip' in tacky, Greek holiday resorts. But on the edges of the 5th you've got the Paris Mosque which is lovely and Jardin des Plantes.

      6th: Lots of tourist attractions

      7th: Boring, full of rich people

      8th: Full of rich people and tourists but there are some ok bars and restuarants if you know where to look (I'll give you a clue: not on the Champs Elysees)

      9th: Good bars and clubs, bobo (Google bourgeois-bohème). My favourite part of Paris for going out, I think. The sex district is dodgy though.

      10th: Love this area, really good for bars and drinking by the canal. I like Favela Chic, Chez Prune and Comptoir Generale

      11th: Here there's a really cheesy 'strip' like in the 5th, but also in the 11th there are LOADS of really good places to go out.

      12th: Erm... can't think what it is in the 12th.

      13th: Quite cool, Le Batofar is here and Chez Gladines.

      14th: Actually have no idea what it is in the 14th.

      15th, 16th and 17th: Boring, full of rich people, very suburban

      18th: Montmartre, you've seen Amelie, right?

      19th and 20th: Belleville and Menilmontant are really cool, interesting areas, little bit rough round the edges.

    4. I can add to this! A lot of the 12th is kind of boring but nice/pretty enough (like parts of the 13th and 14th), but if you live near the line 14 or Nation, you can get almost anywhere else quickly.

      The 14th is big--it includes Montparnasse, Alesia, and park Monceau. The area around Denfert Rochereau is really cute and interesting. Parts further south are generally pretty but a little far from things.

      I live in the 17th near St Lazare and I love it! But I can confirm that much of the 17th is boring. I live in a really great/lively little neighborhood, but parts nearby are just lots and lots of apartments for blocks. Also, from the part I live in (basically, the southern edge), I can get to Montmartre or the center of Paris in just a few minutes.

    5. Thanks for that, I hope 'Anonymous' finds it useful!

  7. sadly this is typical behavior of boys the world over. We may as well just give up now and devote our lives to finding the secret of getting tequila jelly into an orange skin...

    1. I have definitely given up. But the sad thing is, every time I retake my Vow of Celibacy and swear off all boys, secretly I am trying to trick fate into tempting me with the perfect boy. This time I am being serious Fate, so don't even try and trick me. Just send some tequila sunrise jellies my way, please.

  8. My magic lives on Laura!
    Culinary genius.

    Boys are cray.
    Why why why why are the ones we don't want eager beavers and the one's we do, crazy borderline psychopaths?

    If it's not Kayt, let's make him a back story; I feel that he is probably a psychiatric patient, on day-release the day you met him. In his head you actually meet after he calls and you both have a beautiful, albeit imaginary, relationship. That's why he's always with his family because it's VISITING HOURS.

    Kiffe you,
    Olivia x

    1. Now it all makes sense!

      Oh my God, poor Mizmiz Man, so fit yet so unhinged. The family thing makes total sense.

      Let's make rose and lychee martinis when you come xx

  9. have you been to silencio?

    1. Yes Random Questioner, I have been once, don't think I will ever be able to get in again. Any reason for your random question? It was lovely but I'm not too bothered if I never get to go again, too much hassle trying to get in.

  10. I got harrassed by a man called Brown Moses on the metro the other day, i panicked and said i had a boyfriend but later i looked him up on facebook, turns out hes a lead singer in soul band in Paris, so I thought hmm maybe he'll know some funky nights out, plus in one photo he had an amazing body. Anyway, i emailed him, he replied, i replied then he hasnt replied since. YOU were the one that wanted ME how dare you cruelly reject me like this? i didnt even chase him like normally this time and i still got swatted away by the hand of doom and rejection. I've since concluded that French men are either hot + taken, hot + gay, hot + teenytiny, average + clingy. I swear they also find english girls a turn off which is not what is generally thought. or maybe its just me? maybe its my accent. I did get with one guy who said my accent was 'cute', but then he turned out to be a drug dealer and things got a bit dark from there on out. tant pis. I will forever be alone in the city of love.

    1. Whoever decided to call Paris the City of Love was an arsehole, just because people snog in the streets, doesn't mean it is a loved-up city. It is a seedy city, full of creeps and perverts.

      I've just Facebook stalked Brown Moses- he does have an amazing body. Why was he harassing girls on the metro though?

      Drug dealers or metro harassers, that's pretty much all Paris has to offer.

    2. I agree with everything Katie S has to say.