Monday, 8 October 2012

Wind the Bobbin Up

I am very Wound Up and Irritated.

Somebody is making RIDICULOUS noises next door, scraping and scratching and filing, steadily working away at at something... my patience.

Another qualm I have with life at the moment is the fact that I STILL haven't booked my flights back to England for my cousin's wedding. I'm waiting for a cheque to clear and the flight I was going to book is now full. There is no other flight I can get (I can't have the Friday off, which means I need to fly back very early on Saturday morning), so it looks like I will have to get either the train or the coach, but I don't know where the wedding is and it might cost a million pounds and take three months to get there from London. I think it might be in Oxford. Does anybody know where Oxford is? No. There you go then, I'm fucked.

My terrible mood might have stemmed from this morning, when my alarm went off TWO HOURS LATE for No Reason. As soon as I heard my alarm I leapt out of bed to put it on snooze, only to discover it was 9am- the time I was supposed to be start work. The little alarm was still insisting it was 7am and even had the cheek to inform me, when I hit snooze, that it would be going off again at 7.05am. Stop lying to me, you little shit.

I rang up the bilingual school and told them in a croaky voice I was going to be late. Nobody seemed too annoyed at me when I arrived, but I really don't know how much longer I will last in the bilingual school; when I try and talk English to the kids they just frown at me and walk away, confused and sad.

Later I have another private English lesson, a new one, the mum called me last Monday. Yep, now I have three private classes a week, thirty euros an hour. I know I should be really pleased but I just feel nervous and slightly panicky, I'm worried the parents will think that I'm crap and also I have a horrible feeling in my stomach every afternoon, in case the au pair mum asks me to come to work early and I have to cancel the lesson.

Every time my phone rings my heart jumps into my mouth, then out of my mouth and on to the window ledge, where it starts doing the Charleston energetically, laughing wildly at the thought that it could fall off the edge at any moment, a wrongly-placed foot here or an over-exuberant leg kick there... As I answer the phone my brain races through lists of parents and kids and schools and nurseries and teachers- am I supposed to be somewhere? Have I fucked up again? Normally it's Kayt, asking me what I want for tea. My heart slides of the window ledge. Calm down. Be calm now.

Now I'm panicking again because I don't have enough time to blog about everything I need to blog about. It's been over a week since I wrote that (semi-drunken) post about 'My Paris'...

Me and Kayt had gone to a parade for AIDs* that began at Bastille and made its way to Hotel de Ville. It started out really well- we found a hip hop float and followed that for a while, then we ducked into an alimentation to buy some beer. We were dancing and drinking... life was good. Then, all of a sudden, life was Horrible. The float stopped because the acts were changing over and the street started filling with people- an insanely dangerous amount of people. Me and Kayt were stood in the middle of the crowd until we realised that when the float started moving again, there would be mayhem, because everyone was facing towards this one float where apparently a really popular French act was about to play.

We moved to the kerb just before the float started moving. It was C2C- apparently a 'really famous' French DJ group. (Am I an idiot for never having heard of them?) When C2C started playing, crowds came rushing in from all the backstreets. As the float moved (I don't know how it managed to get through) the crowd moved with it, but everyone at the side of the road wanted to stay still and watch the float go past...

I knew it was going to get messy.

Suddenly the crowd was squished together and people were being pulled and pushed in all different directions. I thought I heard screams coming from the crowd, but I couldn't tell if they were screams of terror or whoops and cheers. Suddenly, I was convinced that people were yelling and screaming in horror so I, erm, started crying.

Crowds really scare me these days. No, not crowds- crushes scare me and last Sunday, we were definitely in a Huge Crush.

Kayt was trying to calm me down but then she got lifted off her feet by the crowd. Behind us was a shoe shop, but they were locking the doors and telling everyone to go away. We pushed our way to the door just as they were about to shut it. The security guard took one look at me and let us in, as well as three other girls who were clearly panicking and upset.

We sat in the empty shop and waited for the crowd to calm down.

I'm just not cut out for big crushes and lack of crowd control. My mind screams HILLSBOROUGH HILLSBOROUGH and I start panicking.

Well, sorry. This hasn't been a very uplifting post, has it?

Sunday did get better though...

After the parade had moved past, me and Kayt went for a burger to sober up, then that evening Amy and Lynn arrived from Liverpool and they came bearing gifts! They had bought me an amazing book called 'The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making'- a novel about a little girl called September who goes to Fairyland on the back of a leopard and meets a dragon and an evil Marquess- and they bought Kayt a book about English grammar. She absolutely loves it, seriously.

Well, I'm all out of time. More to come later. I feel a bit calmer now. Phew.


  1. Strangely enough, my mind was screaming 'Hillsborough' too, before you even mentioned it. Glad you are safe. GM xxx

  2. Yikes! That sounds really scary! I don't do well in crowds either (well, I don't typically do well with people in general). I'm not sure how I made it those 3 years in Paris having to ride the subway/RER to and from work. Anyway, glad you are ok.

    I used to do a private lesson for 30 euros an hour. It was good money at the time, and the kid and I just sat around talking about his teachers at school. At first I was worried the parents would call me out as a fraud, but I got over that pretty quick. The kid would also disappear to the bathroom for almost half the lesson, every time. I'd sit in his living room and play around on my phone. 30 euros for that? Yes, please.

    It's Crystal (too lazy to sign into my blogger account)

    1. Ah I wish my kids would disappear to the toilets for half an hour. Ok, I feel a bit better now, I guess I am mainly there for conversational English. 30 euros an hour is well worth it!

  3. I'm short so crowds really freak me out as well. I was at an electro music festival that C2C played in Bourgogne last spring, and during their set people were so nuts that I pretty much had a panic attack. I decided that the only solution was to beat my way to the back of the crowd with my tiny, pointy elbows. Luckily they were effective, but the experience was terrifying!

    1. C2C can fuck off, there's no need to be nearly crushed to death! Now one of my biggest fears! Thanks for commenting and keep reading.