Tuesday, 10 July 2012

Swings and Roundabouts

I feel so sad that I'm not moving to London.

I can't remember why I decided to stay in Paris for another year. I've told the family now and so I'll stay. I know people think I'm being ridiculous but I hate letting people down.

I think I was waiting for someone to say 'Come home, come back.' and nobody did. Around the time I made my decision to stay, I was just fed up of not knowing and I think I wanted somebody else to make the decision for me. I told the family I was leaving and they persuaded me not to go...  I wanted to be persuaded.

When I was trying to make the decision, I spoke to my mum on Facebook Video Chat and I expected her to say 'Come home, come back'. She said 'I think you should stay there.'


She pointed out that I've been moving around every few months since I was 18, it might be nice to settle in one place for a while. It will definitely be easier and cheaper to stay where I am for another year. I am tired of moving, the thought of packing up all my stuff and transporting it to another country is exhausting.

And yet.

It seems as though this is the year that everyone is moving to London- Claire, Jen, Lauren have all got jobs in London. Even Olivia and Mez from Paris are moving back in September to finish their university degrees.

I can't remember why I decided to stay, I feel as though I'm being left behind and just rotting here, into nothing and fading.

I feel really, really sad.

On the plus side, I bought a lip liner from MAC on Saturday and I can't believe I've never used lip liner before! I found the shade closest to my natural lip colour (it's called Subculture) and I have been wearing it everyday with lip balm over the top. My lips look subtly plumper and have a more defined shape.

Swings and roundabouts.

Here are two music videos that have made me cry, maybe because of the current emotional state I'm in but still, have a look. I love music vidoes with a good old narrative to them!


  1. Hey bab! Long time no bloody speak! Don't be sad about staying in gay Paris - London seriously is not all its cracked up to be. I miss Paris, and so far have only managed to get jobs doing boring gay admin, I yearn for my days of napping and playing with The Eight Year Old whilst stealing gouter...
    I met a Liverpudlian gypsy boy yesterday who had his nose pierced and smelt like SEX, in a good way - my fucking god, was he a hot piece of chicken. I thought of you, and how if you'd met him, you could've romanced and married him, BFGW style.
    Anyway, was also writing to say I'm in Paris with work new wknd (fri 20- mon 23) would be lovely to have a drink and a dance if you're around!
    Love Chloe xxx

    1. Hi! I've been meaning to email you for agesssssssssss!! I can't believe I didn't even tell you I'm staying with the family another year! Do you mean the 20 - 23rd July? I'm definitely here then, let's meet up, if not I'll be in London at the beginning of August. x

    2. I know, me too- I've been meaning to email you for ages! I still read, and love, your blog often - makes me feel connected in someway to my beloved Paris!
      I saw a photo of The Eight Yr Old today in your room - you still have my rug?!!! The room looks waaay bigger than I remember it!
      Yes, I arrive next Friday. Let's meet up! I'm working every morning but am free in the evenings... Anything good going on Friday or Saturday night?
      Great that you're staying another year! I'm jealous! Maybe you could renegotiate your terms with the fam - like ask if you can have extra money to buy your own food or something? Anyhoo, looking forward to seeing you! Xxx ps happy late bday! Don't be sad!

    3. I'm not sure what is happening next weekend yet- I'm trying to lie low and save up for Ibiza- but let's definitely meet up for a drink! It's so weird that you got that picture, I only took it this afternoon on my Blackberry and then when I showed it to the eleven year old she made me send it to her. Yeah, I still have that rug, although the rest of the room looks really different! Ha no way is that your rug. Bises.