Thursday, 12 July 2012

Champagne Charlie- My Birthday: Part 1

The night before my birthday, I had a mini melt-down.

I had planned on going for pre-drinks with people who weren't going to Reverie, but it was starting to look like a bad idea: it couldn't be too early as I wanted enough time to cover myself in sequins and flowers; but it couldn't be too late either, as I didn't want to miss any of the DJs at Reverie... After all, we had payed thirty three euros for tickets.

We were sat on Olivia's bed watching make-up tutorials by Lisa Eldridge (she's so good... except watching her videos makes me want to run out and buy every single product she uses) and all of a sudden I snapped. You know when you suddenly find yourself raising your voice and you don't know why, but you keep on doing it anyway, even though you know you shouldn't? Well it was like that. Before the thought had even crossed my mind to make a scene, the words were spilling out of my mouth...

"I'm going home!" I yelled. "I need to go home and get on my laptop and RESEARCH! I can't RESEARCH here with you two, without my laptop. I need to make a plan for tomorrow and it's stressing me out and nobody is helping me!"

Luckily I was laughing by the end of the statement. I say luckily, because if I hadn't started laughing (which made Kayt and Olivia laugh as well- just thought I'd add that detail so you didn't think I was shouting and then laughing on my own like a hysterical maniac) then perhaps I would have actually stormed out and marched all the way home and then I would have been forced to spend all night moodily pacing around my bedroom, wondering what Kayt and Olivia were getting up to and cursing myself. I would have woken up on my birthday alone, miserable and still without a plan.

I think perhaps I was in shock over losing the Birthday Monster. Or perhaps my little outburst was the Birthday Monster: speaking through me from beyond the void; possessing me with his egocentric, attention-seeking spirit...

Anyway, whatever it was that made me suddenly leap up and start yelling 'RESEARCH'; I'm glad, because Olivia let me go on her laptop. Five minutes later I stumbled across Andy Wahloo, a Moroccan-themed bar in the Marais. The name sounded familiar so I did more 'RESEARCH' and discovered that it's located next to- and is owned by the same guy as- 404, a North African restaurant that was created by the owner of Momo and Sketch in London. I have wanted to go to 404 for AGES but for Some Reason we've never been...

I read online that Andy Wahloo is pretty quiet until 9pm, which I thought was perfect as the incentive to get a  table would get us there early and then we would be sure to leave by 11pm. Finally happy with my plan, I sent a text to everyone (five people) telling them that I would be at Andy Wahloo between 9pm and 11pm for Birthday Pre-drinks. Done.

If you've been reading this blog for any substantial amount of time, you'll know that when I make 'a plan' it is invariably going to go Tits Up*, but on Friday night I was blissfully ignorant of the impending doom, and so I went to sleep feeling happy and calm. (After a brief intermission of stress and agitation when I had to blow up the airbed- Olivia and Kayt just sat on the bed watching me and Olivia said she's going to tell my mum to get me tested for Asperger's.)

The next day I woke up and it was my birthday, obviously. We got up about 11am and I opened the cards I'd brought with me from home. (I had four- is this what being an adult is? Only receiving four birthday cards?)

All I've ever wanted from life (apart from wings on my back and a tiny saddle made from tulip petals to ride my bumble bee with, obvs) is champagne and macarons. On Saturday, I found this wish spread before me as my very lovely Birthday Breakfast (although to make it more nutritional we made the champagne into Bucks Fizz). It looked so cute I took a photo of it to show you:

Looking back, the champagne at breakfast might have been the start of it all...

Once we'd finished the champagne and the Laduree macaroons, we got ready for a day of shopping. I still hadn't decided what to wear that night and was hoping to find something in the sales, although as you might have guessed from my RIP Birthday Monster post, I had already looked in the Paris Sales and there was NOTHING good to be had.

While we were getting ready, Olivia asked me what my favourite song was, so she could put it on to celebrate my birthday. My mind went completely blank and then I fired an answer at her without thinking, so the answer I gave must be the honest truth, hidden deep within my subconscious...

I said 'Mr Boombastic' by Shaggy.

Who knew?

Don't you tickle my foot bottom ha ha baby please
Don't you play with my nose I might ha chum sneeze
Well you a the bun and me a the cheese
And if me a the rice well baby love you a the peas 

About five minutes away from Olivia's, there is a Claudie Pierlot, an expensive clothes shop that Kayt absolutely loves and as we walked past we noticed the Sale signs in the window, so we went in for a look even though none of us could afford anything in there. The shop assistant was so nice though that we found ourselves wanting to buy things, picking things up at her suggestion and egging each other on to try things. I've always said I'm a sucker for a good sales assisant. Sell to me, and I will buy. 

Maybe it was the champagne, but I ended up buying something. Something I don't need. Something I really, REALLY can't afford.

I can't believe I bought it. Even as I handed my bank card over I was shocked at myself, floating above my body, trying to pull myself away from the counter by the hair, but my transparent ghostly hands passed right through myself and I had to watch in terror as I spent one hundred and something euros on something that I'm not even 100% sure I love. And I can't take it back because they're making special alterations on it as we speak. 

(Well, not as we speak because it's past midnight and also, we're not technically speaking. I'm writing and you're reading. Except right now, you're not even reading, I'm the only one who's reading because I'm still writing it. I've freaked myself out a bit now. Might go and make a cup of tea. Hold on. Except... you won't hold on will you, because you're not there. Once again I'm just writing at myself and reading my thoughts back to myself. Ok now I feel really freaked out. I'm going to stop this train of thought NOW.)

Yeah... so I bought a dress that I don't need and that didn't even fit me. It was too big at the waist but the girl said they'd take it in for me and before I knew it she was sticking pins into me and it was too late to throw the dress back on the hanger and run away with my bank balance still intact.

But.... (Here's where I justify my disgusting spending habits to myself.)

My cousin is getting married in October (the sister of the cousin who got married in Belgrade last year) and by then I'll be really, really poor because I won't be working at the resto anymore and so I'll be glad I bought this dress when I did. 


It is really nice. The colours are more muted than they look on the photos below.


The print on the bustier is made up of old post cards and one of them is from Monte-Carlo and I've been to Monte-Carlo so, you know... I had to buy it really.

Obviously I wouldn't wear it with a 'quirky' hat and classic, simple shoes like in the photo above... I'm gonna tacky-it up with massive heels, fake tan and something ridiculous perched on the side of my head. (Then, as the wedding is in October, I'll probably throw my huge, holey grey cardigan over the top, or if it's really cold I'll wear my I Know What You Did Last Summer coat... Just in case you thought I was trying to be all 'style blog' for a minute. Don't worry, I'm not a complete dickhead. I still know how to ruin a perfectly nice dress.)

The only thing that slightly makes me want to pick up my laptop and smash it repeatedly against the wall is that, whilst looking for photos of the dress online, I discovered that on the Claudie Pierlot website it is now eighty-seven euros, not the one hundred and something that I paid on Saturday...


It was my birthday and I needed to get myself a present. 

It's done. 

Let's move on...

After Claudie Pierlot we mostly went make-up shopping. Olivia bought me a nail varnish from Essie, I've wanted a nude nail varnish for ages, so we took our time choosing the right nude for me. (I think all those Lisa Eldridge tutorials have gone to our heads.) Finally we decided on 'Mambo', a kind of dusky, pinky coffee colour. I LOVE it. (I really wanted 'Tea and Crumpets', because it's the best name ever, but the colour wasn't very nice.)

Kayt was going to buy me a MAC lipstick for my birthday, but they didn't have the colour I wanted (a bright pink shade called 'Speak Louder') so she said she'll get it for me another day. I did a little sulky face for a while but then I bought myself a lip liner instead and like I said yesterday, it has changed my life. Then I bought some amazing iridescent 'Graphic Glitters' from Make Up Forever and my life was complete.

I'm so deep.

Like... I just find it really hard to keep all these profound thoughts to myself... you know?

After our shopping trip we plonked ourselves down on the street-side terrace of a brasserie near Bastille and shared a planche mixte (cheese and meat). We had a few glasses of wine to top up our alcohol levels and then BOOM I'm suddenly really tired I'll finish this tomorrow.

I'm taking the girls I look after to my resto for lunch! And I'm going to show them my room, so I've made it all lovely and tidy. I feel a lot happier today, mostly because I have a nice, clean bedroom and also I have decided what to do with my life after this next year in Paris- I'm going to fuck everything and go to drama school.

*Although, I had an epiphany the other day! I've realised that there's nothing wrong with my planning... it's just that all my plans go wrong because people refuse to do exactly what I say, all the time. If everybody did as they were told and obeyed me with unblinking servitude, then all my plans would turn out exactly as I expected them to. The only possible solution is to get rid of all my current friends and replace them with Medieval serfs. They might not make me laugh or buy me champagne, but I bet they'd follow my plans properly and bring me a percentage of their crops each season.


  1. Happy (Belated) Birthday!

  2. Aimfilled Wanderer12 July 2012 at 04:41

    Sincere thanks for your posts. No matter how crappy things/events/people may seem in your life at times, know that there is a very sad girl in New York wishing that she was enjoying even some of your mishaps in gay Paris (said in a French accent). Keep writing. God bless. XX


    1. Oh no! Don't be a sad girl! Come on, New York is better than Paris... I'm so glad that my blog cheers you up anyhow, thanks for the comment, keep on reading! x

  3. Look at it this way. You've got a fab dress AND you had to have it altered cos your waist is too small!!!! What more could a girl want? GM

    1. Good thinking! Although now I'm worried they will have altered so much that I won't be able to eat when I wear it in case I burst the seams. Thanks for the comment! x

  4. You have really awesome friends.

    1. Thanks Molly, as you can see below they agree with you. They may be 'awesome' but they sure ain't humble.

  5. I agree with Molly.

  6. I agree with Molly too!
    Olivia x