Thursday, 3 May 2012

Shit Au Pair Has Left The Building

I've left it too long, again. It's been a week since my last blog post and such a lot has happened. Mostly stupid things. Hideous things. Things I don't really want to talk about.

Oh my God.

I don't know what to write. Maybe I have lost my secret blogging powers?

Maybe I never had any in the first place??


I need a cup of tea. Hold on.

Ok, I am now feeling more inspired after taking a sip of hot tea. Also I've burnt my throat because it's boiling.

Let's start with my 'big news' although it's not really big and it's no longer news, I guess. Drum roll....

The mum of the au pair family asked me if I wanted to carry on working for them next year.

I'm sorry, Shit Au Pair, who's that again? Not me, pal, not ME.

To be honest, I think they just can't be arsed looking for a new au pair, but still... I can't be that bad, can I? It didn't come as a complete surprise that they wanted me to stay next year but only because a few weeks go, while the nine year old was having her bath, she suddenly said: "What you do next year you? You go to London?"

It was one of those times when you just know the parents have been putting words into their kids' mouths, so I answered carefully, telling her I didn't know yet. Then I went to get her some crisps from the kitchen (she can't have a bath without Pringles. Sometimes she drops them in the bath and then eats them) and when I came back the mum was in the bathroom and Emma was whispering to her. I couldn't be sure, but I swear she was relaying to her mum what I'd said about my Future Plans..Then last week, when the girls were at the country house with the grandad and it was just me, the mum and the toddler in the house, the mum came right out and asked me what I was doing next year.

"I don't know... I'm scared!" I said.

"You're scared?" she asked.

"Yeah... I don't know whether to stay in Paris or not! I don't know what to do... Why do you ask?"

She said she wanted to know if I'd consider staying with them next year. I told her I'd have to think about it.

Now I know that sounds crazy, after everything I've said about being fed up of being an au pair- sometimes I wonder why I decided to do it for two years, never mind doing it for three years- but recently the au pair job has been going really well, although that might have something to do with the Easter holidays...

For the first week of the holidays the girls were away until Friday, so every evening (apart from Wednesday when I wasn't needed at all) I arrived at the house for half six to take over from the nanny.. I played with the toddler, gave him his dinner and then went home at about eight pm. The toddler is a gorgeous kid, he's got  huuuuuge brown eyes with long eyelashes and he makes me laugh a lot. He is obsessed with that Gotye song 'Somebody That I Used To Know' and he watches that really popular YouTube video, where five people play the song on one guitar, at least three times a day. Even though he can't speak French yet let alone English, he tries to sing along and he pretends my arm is a guitar. (Have I told you this before by the way?)

One night I babysat until midnight but I actually enjoyed it because at the time my room was still a hideous monster's lair of shoes and dirty dishes, so it was nice to spread out in their gorgeous, immaculate house and help myself to their chocolate and posh cheese.

Then last week the girls were at home but it was really fun. We started playing a new game called Le Diable Porte s'habille en Prade (The Devil Wears Prada): we take it in turns to be Miranda, the editor, and the two assistants, Andrea and Emily. At first it was just me and the eight year old playing but then the eleven year old joined in as well which I saw as a small triumph because she's normally too cool for me and the eight year old; she refuses to play with us, preferring to spend all her time on her Mac book looking at photos of herself on Facebook.

Then on Wednesday we had a really fun day. We made fairy cakes using a recipe I copied out of my mum's Hummingbird Bakery cook book the last time I was home and then we spent the afternoon 'doing choreography'. The eleven year old and I spent ages choosing a song to dance to and the eight year old went off in a strop because she said we were taking too long. I decided to leave her on her own for a little bit, hoping that if we ignored her she'd get bored and come back to us; but after we chose a song to dance to I have to admit I just forgot about her completely because I was really enjoying myself!

The eleven year old put the Titanic theme tune on and we mouthed along to it and then I started messing around, swirling around the room, pretending to do ballet. Whenever I listen to music on my headphones (well, used to, before I broke my iPod and then had my phone stolen and then lost all my music when my laptop broke) I imagine doing ballet in my head, no matter what type of music it is. I don't know why it feels so satisfying, pirouetting and doing pliés in my mind to Drake songs (I mean, erm, something cooler), but I've done it for ages and my Secret Dream is to do it real life, but I can't because my room is teeny tiny and filled with shoes.

Anyway, I finally got to realise my dream of leaping doing 'ballet' to pop music. The eleven year old started mirroring me and we worked out a routine. The eight year old came and sneakily watched us in the doorway and then said she wanted to join in, but by then me and the eleven year old were bored with Celine Dion so the girls chose another song- it was this:

I've put the video up so you can watch it and imagine us doing ballet to it... I knew it would be brilliant doing ballet to random songs. The eleven year old has got a fucking huge bedroom as well so we had loads of room to leap about and get into it. When the chorus kicked in the eleven year old did a street dance routine and me and the eight year old did ballet around her... Ha ha. They made the grandma come in the bedroom and watch and I had to do it with them... awkward times. There was a few moments when I had to dance on my own as well and I didn't know what would be more embarrassing- to do them really half-arsed or to put loads of effort in, so I swapped between the two, probably looking like a very slow and backwards person who thinks she is really good at ballet even though she clearly cannot dance.

(Secretly I think I am really good though, it's one of those awful things where one day someone will have to sit me down and say 'Honey, we've all spoke about it and we've decided we need to tell you that you are quite shockingly bad at dancing, particularly that weird thing you do that you think is like ballet. You need to stop doing it public.' The awful thing is since I did the Lil Wayne ballet dance with the girls, I have danced in public three times and made a big show of everyone watching me, but I will tell you more about that tomorrow!)

It was so fun though. I might start a new exercise craze- Ballet to Hip Hop and RnB.

I hope the grandma doesn't know any English swear words... The girls have got the uncensored version of the song and I winced when Lil Wayne says 'I look just like my fucking dad'. It's not really my fault though, it's the mum and dad who let her download rap music and hip hop. They don't bleep anything out in France so all the radio stations play American music with swear words in and all French kids download them and learn the words... The girls keep singing that song that goes 'So what we get drunk/So what we smoke weed'. Hmmm.

Oh I have to go to bed now! And I haven't told you anything! I get up early and walk to work tomorrow because I don't have enough money to top my Navigo up, still haven't sorted my bank card out. Well. I DID sort it out but I can't collect it because my bank is closed for Some Reason, they are doing some work on it. This is why I don't like banks! When I get my card and I'm going to withdraw all my money and hide it inside my bikinis like I did last year.


  1. Congrats on being asked to stay! Even if you don't know what you want to do yet, it's nice to be asked and to have options!

    1. Thanks, I am pleased they asked me to stay, really struggling to make my mind up though, make a different decision every few minutes, it's exhausting! What should I do???? Pfft. I need a sign.

  2. I was there during your lovely ballet performance on "Singin' in the rain" and it was absolutely brilliant ! Keep doing that.

    1. Ha thanks Julia, I might start doing it on the metro for pennies...