Friday, 25 May 2012

Drinking Wine, In My Cloak AKA Having a Nervous Breakdown or Possibly I Have Sunstroke

I was going to keep this a secret and pretend that it never, ever happened, but what's the point in having a blog if I'm not going to be completely honest?

Today I was sat outside the restaurant having a quick coffee before I went to pick the girls up from school, and I was scrolling through Twitter on my phone when I noticed that Dubstep DJ was playing in Paris tonight. For anyone who doesn't know the saga of Dubstep DJ, catch up by reading the following posts (in order. Or not. But don't expect it to make any sense.):

Fifty Dollars for the Powder Room


Stay Tuned

Getting Nowhere: Part 1

Getting Nowhere: Part 2

Getting Somewhere: Part 1

Getting Somwhere: Part 2

Ok, so now you're up to date, you'll understand why I was teensy bit interested when I saw that Dubstep DJ was playing in Paris. My first thought was 'Ooh I'd like to see him play his new stuff.' (Honestly it was!) My second thought was: 'I wonder if I'll get to see him after the gig...'

The last two times were complete fluke and I loved the randomness of it all. I thought that tonight I could maybe have a similar adventure...

Also, sorry to be brash, but the Mass Boy Hysteria has become all-consuming and I'd rather have sex with someone who I know is not a psychopath, who won't make me listen to him play the accordion or ask me if he is as hairy as 'my daddy'. Shudder.

As I wouldn't be finishing work until 9pm, I thought the chances of getting tickets were slim, so I asked Georgie is she might be able to get us on Guestlist- she knows Dubstep DJ from South London. Georgie said didn't really want to go out and therfore felt a bit cheeky asking him for a favour on behalf of other people, but she did send me two numbers she had for him, telling me to ask him myself.

I was hesitant.

Did I want to be that girl, getting in contact after all this time, when I'd done so well at being the blasé, unattached, 'see you later maybe, if we bump into each again' kind of girl?

On the other hand, it was a glorious hot, sunny day and I felt all summery and excited about life. 'Why not?' I thought, 'What's the worst that could happen?'

So I texted both the numbers Georgie gave me, saying hi (at the same time gently reminding him who I was to avoid any awkward misunderstandings that I'm sure must arise when you constantly tour and sleep with girls at each gig) and asking him very politely if there was any way he could put me and a friend on Guestlist, as I wanted to go but had left it a bit too late to get tickets.

No reply.


That's the end of that.

I know I should have expected it but... I just get taken in too easily I suppose. I thought maybe my lady parts had magic powers that would make him put me on the Guestlist and want to see me again but I was wrong. I don't have magic lady parts. I just have normal lady parts and they can't make anyone do anything for me and I'm getting a bit sick of it.

If you're wondering if I'm drunk, I'm not. But I soon will be. I've got a bottle of wine in the fridge and I plan to sit here, in my cloak, and drink the whole thing. I'll have to sit in my underwear because it's so fucking hot in my room and the cloak is so heavy, I'll be just like my Whoreish Cape illustration, but I need it, I need to wear the cloak right now, ok?

Talking of the cloak... I wore it out today for the first time! I promised everyone at the restaurant I would wear it to work today.

Well, I actually put it in my bag and then sneakily put it on just before I got to work, so I could pretend I'd worn it for the entire journey. I know I've been bragging about my cloak-wearing ability for months now, but the truth is I'm just to scared to start wearing it out and about on the streets of Paris. It's going to take guts. People just aren't sure what to make of a girl in a full-length cloak these days. But I'll get there, I just need to take it slowly. Baby steps.

The good news is everybody LOVED my cloak. The French people didn't really understand why I was wearing it, but I could tell they were in Awe of it all the same. Amy has ingeniously made my cloak reversible- one side is black velvet and one side is a lovely, floral material with blue and pink flowers on it. She thought I could wear the floral side in summer because it's more seasonal- how thoughtful of her!

I seriously can not believe how amazing my cloak is. It's EXACTLY how I imagined it to be, except I never thought of making it reversible, so actually  it's even better than I imagined!

God I'm so hot. My room is unbearable. I might have to take my cloak off.

I'd love to put pictures up but the shitty camera on my Blackberry just doesn't do it justice, I'm waiting until Georgie has time to take some photos of it with her Professional Camera, so you can see my cloak all its glory.

Right. I'm going to drink this bottle of wine now. And I'm never listening to dubstep again.

Ooh, before I forget, for anyone living in Paris, the Villette Sonique festival starts today and there are so many good people on and most of it is free. Last year the weather was gorgeous and we spent the weekend sat on the grass in the sunshine, drinking beer and listening to great DJs, for free (Ikonika and Kode9 played last year). Unfortunately this year, I'm working Saturday evening and Sunday day time, so I'm going to miss most of it. But you should check it out, click here for more information.

Working at the restaurant is becoming a massive ballache now that summer is finally here. I just want to sunbathe all day and I can't. Even more annoyingly, Jen and Rosie are coming next weekend (wooooo) and I'm down to work Saturday night and Sunday day. Obviously I won't be going in, but at the moment nobody can work my shifts so... Probably will get fired.

I've got quite a few visitors coming in the next few weeks. Jen and Rosie are coming next weekend, then when they leave Kat and her sister are coming to stay for a couple of days,  (one of the reasons Kat is coming is because her boyfriend Ricky is working here for a few weeks, he's not technically a visitor but I'll hopefully see him for some raving all the same) then at the end of June my brother is coming and my mum will be in Disneyland on the Sunday on a school trip so we're going to go and see her. (She's a teacher, in case you didn't guess. Would anyone really be stupid enough to think she was a pupil? Or am the stupid one for assuming anyone would think that? Are these rhetorical questions starting to annoy you? Shall I stop asking them now? A little bird just flew in through my window and dropped a letter on my desk, it says: 'Yes, stop asking them you dickhead'. O.k, that was a lie, but I didn't know how to get out of the rhetorical question thing.)

What with just having Amy and Lauren here as well, it's turning out to be a busy couple of months for visitors. Next time I blog I'll tell you about Amy's visit. As expected, she made us all do ridiculous things. There was a man in salmon trousers involved.

Anyway, too hot to type now. Must drink wine. Not a big fan of men. Might be joining my friends out later so my plan is to get really drunk and then I won't care what I look like when I go out. I'm having one of those nights where you can't believe how hideous your face is. I'm just looking at my nose in the mirror above my desk right now and even smothered in Sudocrem (I admit it- I'm addicted) I can see how wide and crooked it is. I can never leave my room again. Good god.

Right, wine.

And let's keep this whole texting embarrassment between ourselves, ok?

It never happened.


  1. I can't wait to see the cloak pictures!

    Don't sit at home feeling bad about yourself -- get out there and have some fun! The summer will fly by (it lasts about 72 hours in Paris), and then it will be winter again (yay! cloak weather!) and it'll be too cold to run around outside drinking and dancing. Do it now! Do it while you still can!

    1. Yey! Thanks for the motivational comment, in the end I did go running around drinking and dancing- you're very right, got to make the most of this summer! x

  2. I am no longer a fan of DJ Stubby Toe or whatever his name is. What a lil bitch. You let him touch you with his "Stubby Toe". The least he could do was put you on the guest list. Did he really think he was so good in bed that you were going to chase him around the club cock blocking him? (that would have been really funny).

    1. Thanks for the moral support, I ended up having a good night anyway! Boys will be boys I suppose, I'm staying away from men for a while... Thanks for the comment and thanks for reading! x

    2. Ha ha- 'you let him touch you with his stubby toe.'

  3. no no no. Look at that awesome adventure up there. He obviously is too old to handle all the excitement. Go get close to lots and lots of men. And then come back here and tell me all about it. Try not to pick such a pussy next time.