I think if I were to post the shit I have written so far, it would leave the reader feeling as if they themselves have just completed an eight hour coach journey- bored, drained and wondering why they fucking did it in the first place.
The worst thing is, on the coach journey back, I was snoozing but not really sleeping and in my head I was mentally blogging over and over again, so I feel as if I have already written about the weekend a thousand times already and I can't be arsed to do it again.
But I promise I will write about it properly tomorrow.
Oh God. I have just had the longest nap ever but it was too long, and now I feel sick. I have woken up to absolute carnage. My room is so messy that I am going to have to stay at Kayt's for a few days. Hopefully when I come back it will have tidied itself up.
Oh shit. Just realised this is my first blog post of 2011. I'm not exactly starting as I mean to go on am I?
I feel like I should be writing some sort of intelligent, reflective piece about 2011.
As it happens I'm not particularly intelligent or reflective, so I won't.
But I do feel that looking back at 2011 might be quite fun. Maybe I should bash out a few of my Best Moments of 2011 or something? (I have linked some of the 'moments' back to the original blog post, so if you are really bored you can read some of my past posts. I feel my past posts were a lot better than the shit I have been feeding you with lately, sorry.)
Best Things About 2011
- The new friends I made...
- The old friends that came to visit me in Paris...
- Finally finding my rave around Paris...
- Sunny holidays in Monaco, Ibiza and (not so sunny) Manchester.
Even though there were some Sad Times last year, I did have a lot of Good Times last year, didn't I?
Saying that, I know everyone prefers my blog when I'm having a Shit Time (I know from the amount of comments I get saying 'Hey, love your blog, you make me feel better about my shit life!') So, just to stop you worrying that I had too much of a good year, here are some of my:
Worst Moments of 2011
- Throwing up on the dancefloor in Ibiza...
- Throwing up on the streets of Paris after dancing to drum and bass with food poisoning...
- A man saying to me half-way through sex "Is your daddy hariy like me?"
In fact last year was generally a Bad Year for Men. If you don't believe me, click here.
(I think every girl should read it, because you need to know the truth! Here is an excerpt if you don't believe it will be worth your while:
"Half through the hanky panky, the man started laughing. He said he was thinking of a funny song. He got up and went to put on said song. The lyrics of the song were this:
'Big, fat, wet fannies that smell like dead fish.' ")
- Hmm, also in 2011 I was almost raped by a mute Labrador.
Biggest Acheivement of 2011?
Unfortunately it wasn't learning how to speak French, abstaining from being a whore* or paying off my credit card, because I did none of these things. I would have to say my biggest acheivment of 2011 was getting a tan. I worked really hard on it and it lasted for agessss, in fact I still have some very faint white bits. So there you go. Not a complete waste of a year.
*Sorry readers, the Vow of Celibacy didn't work out, but I had to keep it up because somebody warned me that my mum had started reading my blog. Oh the things I wanted to tell you! There was one man who actually got out his accordian and played me some French folk songs on it, honestly. It was awful.