Monday, 12 December 2011

The Light Situation

This morning was my last 'théâtre en anglais' lesson until after Christmas and I am GLAD because I can't cope anymore with the 8.30am start. I know other people have to start their working day earlier than that, but this is my blog and therefore: There is NO earlier start to the day than 8.30am!!! So there.

Last night we went to see Jamie Woon at Nouveau Casino and stayed out for drinks afterwards until about half eleven and I kept thinking 'maybe I should tell the other teacher I can't make it tomorrow...' because I couldn't bear the thought of stumbling about trying to make sense of the world while it's still dark outside, especially as I'm not even getting paid for the lessons. Well... I'm supposed to be getting paid in 'expenses', but only when I start teaching the lessons on my own (which I kind of hope never happens because the kids are Insane and I can't stop them from punching each other and climbing up the walls). I'm a teensy bit cynical about this 'expenses' thing: the woman who runs the company is really nice and she took a bit of a chance on me, so I'm sure she won't rip me off; but you Never Can Tell... So it's basically Good Will that's getting me out of bed at 7am every Monday.

Today after the class I went for coffee with the woman who runs everything (let's call her Florence for simplicity's sake) and one of the teacher/actors who I teach the lesson with. I've not seen Florence since the beginning of October and she wanted to know how the lessons have been going. To be honest I find the lessons really difficult and I'm dreading the day I have to teach on my own, but for some reason Florence seems to think I am doing really well, even though she has never seen me teach or act, and she told me today that she might have more lessons lined up for next year, adult classes, but that she won't take them on unless she knows I'll still be here. She wants me to teach a lot more lessons, for a normal hourly teacher fee, which I suppose would be quite good, except for the fact that I CAN'T TEACH and also I am ninety-nine percent certain that I am moving to London and not staying in Paris.

I'm not one hundred percent because... well, I don't know. I just don't know what to do with my life. I really want to live in London, but it's going to be extraordinarily difficult to find a job there. Not just a job, but a job that will enable me to support myself. Here I don't pay rent and I have three jobs, even today Florence gave me the number of her friend who wants Engligh tutoring for her kid... I also love Paris, a lot. I don't want to leave, ever.

BUT I want to live in London equally as much as I don't want to leave Paris.

What am I going to do?? Seriously, what I am going to do? If I stay in Paris I'll have to teach and waitress, which I don't really like doing, but if I move to London I'll just have the option of waitressing and I won't be able to tell people that I live in Paris, which sounds interesting enough to distract them from the fact that I'm not really doing anything with my life at all. (The bonus of learning French doesn't factor into the equation as I've now given up any hope of ever learning French. It's now painfully obvious that I will never speak the language, not even if I lived in France for twenty years and married a man called Jean-Claude who force-feeds geese for a living to make delicious paste with their livers.)

Oh fuck. I feel sick just thinking about The Future.

The good news that while I haven't got a new bulb yet, I did find this weird red Plastic Thing with a metal hole in it, and I found a bulb that doesn't fit in my 'big light' but I tried shoving it into the Plastic Thing and... I have light! Unfortunately I blinded myself, as I was looking directly into a lightbulb held two inches away from my face, but I've come up with a solution to make the light bearable...

Pure Snazz.

It's a colander, if you can't tell from the picture. Also, Kayt lent me some fairy lights so my room seems all cosy and Festive. AND I know it sounds a bit mental and I can't really explain how I know, but I have a Serious, Psychic Feeling that Father Christmas is going to come down my chimney. I know it. I just know. I've never had a real chimney before- I did't connect my fireplace with an Actual Chimney until it started raining inside it last week. It was kind of cold and shit but also magical at the same time! I feel like a Victorian maid! In a romantic magical way! I might start wearing a little bonnet and a shawl!

Anyway, listen to this if you like:


  1. Don't worry too much about the future. I'm putting off 'the future' until January 1st. : / !

    And I absolutely LOVE what you wrote about just saying that you live in Paris deters from further questions about what you actually do there. I work in an office but no one ever wants to know about the crappy minutia of my work life because they're so enthralled with Paris...and I say GOOD! A professional photocopier isn't exactly impressive...a professional photocopier in Paris? Well that's just fabulous! LOL!

  2. This is completely irrelevant to your post (sorry!), but I just NEED to say/write/scream this to someone.

    I told the family that I work for that I won't be able to work for them anymore. I've given them 2 months notice (by March). And they want proof (implied) about why my schedule is changing. I've been given suggestions about working later in the evening (don't want to).

    Of course there's more back story; as there ALWAYS is... I don't know if I should be more blunt, because I'm trying to be understanding (which am I to a fault) and offering them alternatives. Well, there you go. Lately I've been feeling like "Shit Au Pair."

  3. To Ella Coquine: Thank you for commenting, I love your blog. Yeah, the future can fuck off, right now we live in Paris darling, and that's enough for the time-being. However, I fear that your life is actually a lot closer to the Parisian Dream than mine is...

  4. To StoneCold: I don't mind random comments, I love getting comments Full Stop. Hmm I don't really understand your au pair family, why don't they understand that you have QUIT which means that you won't be working for them anymore?? If they insist on badgering you, tell them 'I can stay two months for you, or I can leave now. Which would be more convenient?'

  5. Like I said, there is a backstory (much more). Essentially they give me a studio in exchange for watching their kids. I don't wanna watch their kids anymore; I'd rather just pay them monthly for the room.

    Did the actual au pair thing, but the mother was a neurotic nut and so I quit after a month.