Sunday, 19 June 2011

Sleeping Snaggletooth

Oh fucking hell, I'm babysitting and I just watched an episode of True Blood and the parents will be back soon and I'll have to walk home in the fear that a vampire is going to get me and lock me in their cellar, and not in a sexy way, in a horrifically scary way. I hope the screams and chains rattling from my laptop didn't permeate their way into the children's dreams.

I'm very superstitious about dreams. This morning I had a dream that I was in the Lake District with all my cousins and my brother and my mum and my aunty and my grandma. And I was so happy, I was saying 'I can't believe I'm here! I feel like I'm dreaming!' And my grandma had three Disney DVDs that she wanted to split between us and she let me choose first and I chose Sleeping Beauty.

And then I woke up and it was half two and I'd wasted half the day. Maybe my dream was trying to tell me I am just like Sleeping Beauty, although in my case it is more like Sleeping Snaggletooth, as those of you who have been reading my blog for a substantial amount of time will know, as I have previously posted pictures of offending tooth.

Anyway, I have just started watching Sleeping Beauty on Youtube to chase away The Fear instilled in me by True Blood. At first I tried to read trashy celebrity news to cheer me up but an article about a Certain Film being banned in the UK came up and the only thing to calm me down after I am reminded about this Certain Film is Disney. I cannot speak it's name, for it is a film most Terrible and Disturbing, but the first time I (idiotically) let someone show me the trailer for this Certain Film, I was so haunted that I could only fall asleep whilst listening to Disney songs on my Ipod. Oh God it was terrible. I really can't even type the words, but let's just say that a few days after I saw the trailer for this Certain Film, the kids held out their hands to me in the park and said 'Let's all join together!' and I ran, screaming, on to the main road, hoping a truck would come and run me over. That is how horrifying it is.

For some reason, they have seen fit to make Certain Film 2 and an article about it just popped up on my laptop, with a picture, so now I have to watch Sleeping Beauty on Youtube to make life nice and good and lovely again.

So that is why I dreamt about Sleeping Beauty- my mind knew I would need it later. I really believe in dreams, even though people say they are a load of rubbish. (But people also say that mermaids are a load of rubbish, and as I have already proved, that is just not the case.) My mum Skyped me the other day because she had a dream that I was a baby and I had a rash on my neck and my back and she thought it meant I must have one in real life. I spent ages looking for a rash on my neck and my back but I didn't have one. We were really disappointed. It must have been a metaphorical rash, we decided.


  1. OMG the movie you're talking about is totally The Human Centipede, isn't it?? I watched the trailer and then tried to go to bed but I couldn't so I stayed up for another 3 hours looking for something online that would take it out of my head.

  2. Noooooo you actually wrote its name!!!! Arghhh. Yes it is. Fucking TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE. Why, why, why?? There is not a lot that can take it out of your head... erghhh. SICK. AWFUL. BLERGH.