Sunday, 19 June 2011

Sleeping Snaggletooth

Oh fucking hell, I'm babysitting and I just watched an episode of True Blood and the parents will be back soon and I'll have to walk home in the fear that a vampire is going to get me and lock me in their cellar, and not in a sexy way, in a horrifically scary way. I hope the screams and chains rattling from my laptop didn't permeate their way into the children's dreams.

I'm very superstitious about dreams. This morning I had a dream that I was in the Lake District with all my cousins and my brother and my mum and my aunty and my grandma. And I was so happy, I was saying 'I can't believe I'm here! I feel like I'm dreaming!' And my grandma had three Disney DVDs that she wanted to split between us and she let me choose first and I chose Sleeping Beauty.

And then I woke up and it was half two and I'd wasted half the day. Maybe my dream was trying to tell me I am just like Sleeping Beauty, although in my case it is more like Sleeping Snaggletooth, as those of you who have been reading my blog for a substantial amount of time will know, as I have previously posted pictures of offending tooth.

Anyway, I have just started watching Sleeping Beauty on Youtube to chase away The Fear instilled in me by True Blood. At first I tried to read trashy celebrity news to cheer me up but an article about a Certain Film being banned in the UK came up and the only thing to calm me down after I am reminded about this Certain Film is Disney. I cannot speak it's name, for it is a film most Terrible and Disturbing, but the first time I (idiotically) let someone show me the trailer for this Certain Film, I was so haunted that I could only fall asleep whilst listening to Disney songs on my Ipod. Oh God it was terrible. I really can't even type the words, but let's just say that a few days after I saw the trailer for this Certain Film, the kids held out their hands to me in the park and said 'Let's all join together!' and I ran, screaming, on to the main road, hoping a truck would come and run me over. That is how horrifying it is.

For some reason, they have seen fit to make Certain Film 2 and an article about it just popped up on my laptop, with a picture, so now I have to watch Sleeping Beauty on Youtube to make life nice and good and lovely again.

So that is why I dreamt about Sleeping Beauty- my mind knew I would need it later. I really believe in dreams, even though people say they are a load of rubbish. (But people also say that mermaids are a load of rubbish, and as I have already proved, that is just not the case.) My mum Skyped me the other day because she had a dream that I was a baby and I had a rash on my neck and my back and she thought it meant I must have one in real life. I spent ages looking for a rash on my neck and my back but I didn't have one. We were really disappointed. It must have been a metaphorical rash, we decided.

2 comments:

  1. OMG the movie you're talking about is totally The Human Centipede, isn't it?? I watched the trailer and then tried to go to bed but I couldn't so I stayed up for another 3 hours looking for something online that would take it out of my head.

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  2. Noooooo you actually wrote its name!!!! Arghhh. Yes it is. Fucking TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE. Why, why, why?? There is not a lot that can take it out of your head... erghhh. SICK. AWFUL. BLERGH.

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