Monday, 13 June 2011


Apparently someone has stumbled across my blog, twice, by searching for: why do the french put their medication up their anus year in t...

I'm not sure what the 'in t' is for at the end (Ah-ha! I've just realised, they might have been meaning to type 'year in the merde' which is a book about living in France by Stephen Clarke) but all I can say is that I didn't know the French were particularly famous for using suppositories, although I suppose it makes sense, considering they are such great fans of the Anal Thermometer.

Only last week I arrived at work to find the five year old lying on his back with his legs in the air, holding aforementioned instrument up there.

"Erm... is he ill?" I asked the mum.
"No, but he think because he have mosquito bite." she said, rolling her eyes.

Erm... I'm pretty sure I won't be having any kids thanks to the wonderful experience of being an au pair, but if I did somehow procreate by accident (whilst I was distracted by the television say, or looking in the other direction), I'm quite certain that I would discourage my children from putting things up their bum, rather than letting them think it is a normal thing to do on a Wednesday morning.

But I guess the whole point of being in another country is adapting to someone else's culture... I just wish that the family would be as open-minded: most people looking for an au pair claim that they want their family to be introduced to a different culture; but in my experience of au pairing the culture exchange is very one-sided.

Family Thrift wouldn't let me eat the skins on my potato. I mean, granted, they turned out to be Bad Nobheads, but even Family Decent think that if I'm not doing it the French Way, then I'm doing it ridiculously and stupidly wrong. The mum told me the other day, with a slight smirk on her face, that she had noticed I was leaving the skin on the cucumber... so now I have to peel the cucumbers. At first I felt like a complete Idiot and Fuck-Up, until I realised that it is not wrong to eat cucumber skins, it is just Their Fucking Preference to not eat the skins.

I always feel like an Idiot and Fuck-Up if I don't fold the towels into thirds before I put them away, or if I try to pack their winter clothes into bin bags... who has a winter and a summer wardrobe anyway? I just wear the same thing all year but with a coat on in winter. As for the bin bag thing, the mum thought I was being a Mental but as I tried to explain, I couldn't find any big enough carrier bags. The mum was shaking her head and saying 'Well you don't put in bin bag!'

What's wrong with putting stuff in bin bags?? I took all my stuff to uni in bin bags, just because it's not French doesn't mean it's Stupid. Although, I was venting to my friends the other day and they did say that it isn't actually normal to take your stuff to uni in bin bags, but still... each to their own.

Hmm even though I am trying to convince myself that I'm not an idiot and instead I'm just not very French in my ways, I'm beginning to suspect that I am secretly Incredibly Stupid. I found Family Decent's advertisement that they have put in the FUSAC for a new au pair next year- all that stuff they told me about needing an au pair who could also be a private tutor for the eleven year old was A Lie, because the advert mentions NOTHING about being a teacher. It just says they need an au pair- same hours, same money.

They don't want me next year is because I am Shit Au Pair, no other reason.


  1. tell them that pretty much all of the nutritional value of a cucumber is in the skin, and most of the sterols, which may help lower cholesterol. you're just looking out for their health. then again, that's probably where all that e. coli will be too. My family peels cucumbers, and virtually every vegetable they eat, even if it doesn't seem to have a peel. (read: I peel all the vegetables they eat. They don't do shit.)

  2. Just think, only a few more weeks and no more peeling other people's vegetables!!

  3. Have you decided what your plan of attack will be once you finish your term with this family?

    That seems really shitty of them.

  4. Name and shame them with the advertisement! I have friens who use to use for Fusac and often found really bad working conditions in families!

  5. Well to be fair there are quite nice, I guess I'm just Shit. I have no idea what to do next, NO IDEA. One minute I can't wait to get home to England, then the next I am thinking about all the things I have yet to do in Paris, like learn French for example... what do YOU think I should do? I really want to hear other people's thoughts... I am rubbish at deciding what to do!

  6. I meant THEY are quite nice, as in the family, not 'there'...

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