I really, really am Shit Au Pair. I got to work this morning, late because I didn't get out of bed until 8.30am which is when I'm supposed to start, and the mum gave me a huge lecture about being the 'mistress of her house' and leaving peas on the floor. I don't want to be the mistress of her house. I want to sit in bed eating cake and watching Jersey Shore.
She was annoyed because last week they ran out of yoghurts and she sent me a text on Friday night saying 'We cannot invite people round if we have no yoghurts' and I pictured her, stood looking into her empty fridge, composing the text furiously while her eighteen dinner guests sat in the other room holding their teaspoons, blissfully ignorant of the impending yoghurt disaster. Sometimes they forget that the French Way is not the Only Way. She said 'use your initative' but it is not common sense to always keep up a supply of yoghurts- in fact if I was at my friend's house in England and they offered me a yoghurt, I would say 'no, don't be weird.'
So anyway she was going on about that this morning, in a nice 'I know you are Shit but please I am loosing the will to live with your scrubby, scruffy housekeeping' way. Then she tried to explain the 'schedule' to me, which involved a lot of faffing about dropping off various children at various friend's houses, and for Some Reason I had to make sure the five year old was in his Spiderman costume at 3pm.
The eleven year old had her tutor round at lunch which was awkward as fuck and then while the lesson went on, I was supposed to do laundry etc but I accidentally had a nice, two hour nap on the eight year old's bed and then when I woke up I was late for getting the five year old and putting him in his Spiderman costume.
Now I just have the eight year and her friend and I know there is something important I am supposed to be doing but somehow I am on my laptop, eating biscuits.