Monday, 2 May 2011

I Know! I'll Take Up Smoking!

Am I really choosing to be an au pair again next year? I had one of those days today where I would do anything to go back in time, to that fateful day seven months ago when I got on the Eurostar to come to Paris and I'd shake myself and scream 'GET OFF! GET OFF THE TRAIN! GET OFF THE TRAIN AND FIND A JOB THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN!!'

I've just found a pack of cigarettes in my drawer that Jen left when she came to stay. I've never understood how people get addicted to smoking, because I'll smoke on nights out but I've never fancied one when I'm sober during the day, let alone forty. But they say they calm you down don't they? So I've just smoked one out of my window to try and de-stress after this hideous evening. My window would be so perfect for smoking out of- it looks out onto the street and it has a really wide ledge on the outside, so theoretically I could stick my head right out into the evening air and people watch, but the kids' grandparents live opposite and I don't know if they can see my window or not from their appartment. I had to crouch underneath the window and try and waft the smoke upwards and outwards. Not very relaxing really. But I feel calmer now, I really want to go for a walk and smoke the whole pack on a bench somewhere... although I have been told I look like a twat when I smoke...

I really, really want to smoke now. I'm not going to start smoking in bed though, I think that's a step too far in the trampy skank direction, even for me. I'll walk to Clare's and try and find a secret spot to smoke in on the way so nobody can laugh at me smoking like a Blatant Non-Smoker.

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