I can not believe I have been walking around Paris with no make-up on for five days now. At first I thought I could get used to it.
'Yes!' I thought, 'This isn't too bad! Maybe I will never wear make-up again! Never again will everybody conclude that I must have had 'a rough night' if I forget to wear mascara, because they will get used to seeing my Naked Piggy Eyes and they will think it is normal! I will be one of those girls who sneers at concealer and foundation, choosing instead to put their trust in Good Moisturiser and Dinking Lots Of Water! I will be that girl you see swaying around Bora Bora Beach with no make-up on save for a dusting of purple glitter, smiling with lips softened by some Australian organic wonder-product as the setting sun bathes their bare face in a flattering, rusty glow...'
I've just seen myself in the mirror and it's painfully obvious I will never be one of 'those girls'. For a start those girls are always really thin and they have Rich Girl Hair (see Kate Middleton). Pfft. I could be like that too if I could afford to spend all summer on a desert island eating hair-nourishing fruit and rubbing monkey sperm onto my face, or whatever it is rich girls do when they aren't living in the Kensington flat their dad pays for, half-arsedly working as a PA for their mother's second cousin who just so happens to be Colin Firth. But hey, no bitterness here...
Anyway, the long and short of it is I need make-up all over my face and I need it now. I am going to Monoprix tomorrow after work and buying myself some foundation, mascara and blusher. Maybe some bronzer. It all depends how much I get paid for babysitting tonight, I am filling in for my friend Clare who babysits for the Best Looking Couple of France.
Seriously, I went to say hello last night so that their two little girls would get used to me and I have never met such a young, cheerful, good looking couple and they are obviously successful because of where they live. I was a bit in awe. Clare said she fancies them both and she is furious because the dad said he would give me a lift home on his scooter after babysitting. They spoke French to me for about twenty minutes until I answered 'oui' to something that clearly did not merit a yes or no answer and then they twigged that I am a Stupid English Person who has lived here for seven months but still can not speak French. I'm hoping that tonight, when it's just me and the babies, I will have the confidence to speak French and I will discover a secret ability to speak French that has been forced deep within me by the oppressive sneers of Impatient Parisians. Probably not though, but at least I am getting some money for make-up!
I am a bit worried because one of the girls is a few months old. Does this mean I will have to change nappies? Because I can't.