Wednesday, 27 April 2011

My Life's Mission

Ha! I did get to bask in the little boy's materialistic love after all- his mum told him that I wrote a note to 'the bells in the sky' requesting Smarties Easter Eggs for him and his sister and 'the bells' complied, making me a hero who holds much sway with these mysterious chocolate-giving bells. Apparently all children in France believe in them... Is it any weirder than believing chocolate eggs come from giant magic bunnies though?

The kids were really happy to see me today, if only because I'd given them Smarties Easter Eggs. I also gave the eight year old a Hello Kitty t-shirt for her birthday last week and when I went to pick her up from school she was wearing it. I can see why rich parents get sucked in to the 'buy your children's love' thing. All it took was three £1 eggs and a £7 t shirt from Asda and they were all over me, hugging me and telling me that they loved me.

Unfortunately, I was so pleased that they weren't hitting me with coats and saying 'You MEAN, you!' that when the mum got in from work I hadn't made them have a shower, do their homework or eat their dinner, they just watched telly and ate biscuits while I sat in the kitchen eating cheese and fluffing my hair up in the mirror. But that's the beauty of being Shit Au Pair- everybody knows you are shit!

Oh by the way, my friend Who Shall Not Be Named said the lyrics from the mid-sex song are:

'Big fat pussy holes that smell like dead fish', not 'Big fat fannies that smell like dead fish'.

I still can't find it on the internet though- I am thinking of making it my life's mission.


  1. After reading your post I decided to make it my life mission to find the song, and I succeeded:
    It's not at all how I imagined the song to be, for some reason I envisaged a jaunty little number involving a French man and a fish market...
    Anyway, that's another thing you can cross off your list of life goals, meanwhile I have to delete my browsing history before anybody starts wondering why I've been searching 'fishy pussy holes' on google.

  2. HAHAHA! Thank you so much for finding it, I'm going to write a post about it now.