Sunday, 6 March 2011

Kayt's Birthday

Why is it, I can’t make it out of bed for my French lesson when I’ve had ten hours sleep, yet this morning I jumped out of bed at 10am after getting home four hours earlier. Well, I didn’t jump out of bed so much as roll onto the floor slowly, wondering how long the Saturday morning children’s recorder class taking place upstairs has been going on and why I’ve never heard it before. Is it possible it’s been going on every Saturday morning since I moved here and I’ve either been sleeping through it or out?

Anyway… why am I awake? Why do I have no internet still? I’m writing this on Microsoft Word and am planning to find a café with Free Wi-Fi to post it, but I’m not sure how well I can cope with the French required to facilitate such a plan. In fact these days I can barely cope with ordering a sandwich, my French is getting worse and worse as I get angrier and angrier with the fact that I will never learn this language. I’m so furious that I don’t want to speak it, ever. I wish I was a cat so I could just spit venomously at people.

Hmm. Just read that back, I feel like my mental health could do with a servicing. Seriously though, I am going to snap like a Kit-Kat. What am I going to do with my life apart from drink mojitos and tell strangers to “Fuck off, I am moving to Istanbul, I am going to learn Turkish and you can all fuck off!”

I can’t remember who I said that to and I can only hope that Istanbul is in fact in Turkey. Sometimes I forget that everyone in the world didn’t do drama at university. I honestly assume everyone was into drama at school and that they secretly want to be an actor, but they don’t. They don’t understand why I have suddenly adopted a Yorkshire accent and am threatening to “…throw thee in’t Seine!

Oh no, more and more of the night is coming back to me… Hangover Paranoia is looming… I may or may not have convinced someone I am likely to see again on other nights out that I speak excellent Greek. Let’s just hope the next time I see them they won’t be rolling six Greek men deep.

Last night we went out for Kayt’s birthday. I kicked the night off on my lonesome by exploding a bottle of wine with a knife and fork because I don’t have a corkscrew. I’m sure I had a corkscrew. Anyway, now I have cork and glass all over the top of my fridge but there you are, that’s life, some people have one leg.

We went to International in Oberkampf which is a big dirty mess of cheap drinks and scaffolding and the random-est music I’ve heard in Paris. It was super fun, as a nobhead might say. It closed at 2am and then there was a long and lively walk to another place, somewhere else, I don't know where it was but it was called Alimentation Generale and it was really good.

Photo from Planet Paris
It was ten euros to get in, but you got a free drink and it could be ‘any drink you want’ according to the guy on the door. With some trepidation I asked for one of the most expensive drinks- a nine euro Mojito- and got it, so the tenner pour entrée wasn’t too bad. I bought another mojito- ah! I was drinking Jagerbombs! I was drinking Jagerbombs in International! And I had a crepe! I bought a ham and cheese crepe and it was delicious! Sorry, just had Total Recall. For a second I could remember clearly the events of last night… and the moment’s passed. I’m back to being foggy-headed and ridden with Hangover Paranoia.

I spent a lot of money last night. Well, not a lot actually, but a lot for someone in my financial position. The Deep Shit position, I believe it’s called. (Remember, it’s a FINANCIAL position- I won’t be blamed for any disgusting accidents or pay your dry cleaning bill.)

But hey-ho, it was such a good night and you can’t put a price on Good Times. The music in Alimentation Generale was samba. At least I hope it was because I was samba dancing, so I will have looked like a right tit if they were playing minimal techno.

No it definitely was samba music. Kayt’s friends had fun and they were all lovely. I’m getting the first twinges of Host Pressure for when Rosie, Rachel and Jen come next week. One thing at a time though, I’m too hungover for my life today, might go back to bed. Damn I wish I had the internet! Without it I’m not ‘blogging’, I’m just sat on my own typing my thoughts out like a Mental. I need to get dressed and go to  that place with Wi-Fi. Ok that’s my plan.

My plan went to shit as usual. I went to the cafe with free Wi-Fi and when I got inside they told me they were closed. So then I walked to another cafe that has free Wi-Fi but I couldn't make it through the door. I suddenly realised that I couldn't do it: I couldn't sit down in case you were supposed to ask at the bar first, I couldn't ask what I was supposed to do because I'm an idiot. I hovered in the doorway for half a second, burst out crying and then ran home to my bed where I lay for the rest of the day crying hysterically at my inability to function in the real world. Drama Queen, moi?

But it all turned out ok! Went for a meal with Kayt and co for her birthday meal, we didn't end up eating until nearly midnight but it was lovely. And... amazing Harriet gave me the username and code for Freewebs so I can go on the internet!! I know it's tragic that I can't live without talking to my friends and family, but I have not had internet for a week and already my mum has MOVED HOUSE and one of my best friends is MOVING TO AUSTRALIA. That is what happens when you are out of the loop, thank you very much Tunisian Man Who Has Stopped Me Stealing His Internet.

I've just got back from a lovely meal somewhere called Chez Gladines (very cheap, very French) and I'm rather drunk, have just enjoyed a full-throttled rendition of Bump and Grind on the metro. unfortunately Portugese couple are having the Loudest Sex ever and I'm actually starting to wonder if they don't make porn in their spare time; surely nobody really shouts that loud during sex? Or have I just been doing it with the wrong people? Oh my god I can hear very fast, loud banging, they are going to do themselves a mischief.

Anyway, happy birthday Kayt!

Oh for fuck's sake I am not even joking it sounds as though there are three of them howling away in there.

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