Tuesday, 8 February 2011


Am I sat in a dingy jazz bar, smoking and drinking gin with a charming French man? Or am I sat on the couch, facebook stalking, with one eye on the girls' bedroom, hoping they will take themselves to bed any minute now so I can go and raid the fridge without their disapproving glares?

Babysitting again. It's not all bad though, I went to pick the children up from their grandparents' house before and they were having a family party. Everyone shook my hand from a safe distance so maybe they had been given a heads up about my awkward Non-Kissing Ways.

I tried to speak a little French with them but they were all German. As I was leaving, they gave me a slice of the nicest lemon meringue pie I have ever eaten and a glass of champagne. The mum of the family was like 'No, no, she must go' but I knew if I was polite I would spend all night thinking about the pie so I drank the champagne as quick as I could (without downing it and then holding the glass upside down on my forehead yelling 'warrior') and asked for my slice of pie in a box. I ate it as soon as we got in and it was lovely. As I was eating it I was almost sobbing because I knew it would soon be gone. I was right.

Hold on... No. I thought they girls were going to bed but they are cleaning their shoes and eating oranges. Go to bed girls so I can eat all your mum's cheese!!! I need to stop eating though. The other night I went to eat a biscuit and I joked 'Oh I should stop eating these I will get fat' and the eleven year old said. 'Yes, stop.'

I'm sure she's got some sort of eating disorder. She hardly eats anything and to make matters worse a doctor came into her class this week and told them all to eat small, light meals otherwise they won't be able to sleep. I think something must have got lost in translation because I find after a big, heavy meal I will sleep until the following evening. I've decided it's my body way of making sure no more calories enter my body. 'Don't let her wake up! She will just eat more and we are still dealing with yesterday's feasting!'

...Ha! All the kids are in bed. Yes! It's Emmenthal time...

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