Friday, 25 February 2011


Tonight somebody rang the doorbell and when I looked through the looky-hole there were three men stood there who I didn't recognise. In the end I let them in after I rang the dad of the family and he said he had hired them. They kept asking me things about the lights and the electricity and when I stared at them blankly and said the French equivalent of ‘Me no speak English good’, the five year old stepped in and dealt with the proceedings from there. While the five year old discussed the fire alarms with the men, who incidentally were not fit or even old-but-cheekily-fit (some workmen can be older than your dad but after they get their burly arms out and give you a wink you unfathombly want them to take you on top of the washing machine they're fixing... or is that just me?) I started cooking the dinner and realised I am just like the Spanish maid in Family Guy:

On the plus side, the five year old gave me a pretend school test and I got ten out of twelve. I say 'questions'... here is an example:

'A baby no eat the head of the fish' (To this I wrote 'no, he must not'.)
'He no put lolly the baby' (To this I wrote 'No, he must not'
'Big no put the lollies, the big' (I answered 'Yes, they do.')

(They call sweets 'lollies' because Super Au Pair was Australian and 'lollies' is what Australian people call sweets. I wonder what they call lollies? Chocolate strawberries? Wide-brimmed sun hats? Something else that they are clearly not?)

I got the last question wrong because I thought of me and Lauren binging our way through a gigantic pack of gummy bears every other night but the five year old insisted that 'big no put the lollies'. I assume he meant big people. I've given up trying to explain to them that 'put' does not mean 'take' and in any case 'take' does not mean 'have' and while I'm at it, they don't mean 'have' most of the time they mean 'has'... But if the kids say 'have' I'm so astonsished that they didn't say 'She put more lollies than me!' that I don't dare correct them.

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