There's this Dolly Parton song that goes "Now I'm heading for bluuuuuer pastures/And back to the one who's heart I broke/To the bluegrass state of ol' Kentucky/Where he waits with open arms for me I hope". Absolutely nothing about that song is relevant to my life, seeing as the only heart I've ever broken is my gran's when I got my nose pierced and 'ruined my lovely face' (she obviously turned a blind eye to my snaggletooth), but it just popped into my head because I was thinking of that old saying 'the grass is always greener on the other side' and also I'm feeling very blue.
Tonight was shit with the kids, resorted to making them this instant mash thing that they apparently 'love' thinking we could make crepes afterwards for desert. But OH NO, I made the mash wrong according to the kids and also crepes are 'FOR DINER, NO FOR DESERT!'.
I am confused most of the time. I have no idea what is going on and I can't tell the difference between what weird shit French children actually eat and the weird shit I am making them eat because I am so confused all the time.
Upon seeing the 'instant mash' the little boy began screaming hysterically and went into his bedroom and nothing I could do would calm him down. I offered him dinner or bed and he chose bed so I left it at that. Then the mum rang to tell me I could leave for a 'break' before I come back for my babysitting and the eleven year old answered the phone and grassed me up. Then the mum said I needed to take authority and that I wasn't 'close' to the kids because sometimes I don't turn all the lights on (!) and also I don't 'take' meat and the number one rule of life, she said, is that you can't let meat go off, and I needed to know this and also she acknowledged that I made a house of Lego and that I should 'continue in this direction.'
Am I dreaming?
Unfortunately I am not and I must soon return for babysitting and more nonsense scolding. I don't know what is going on, most of the time. It was bound to catch up with me sooner or later and tonight it has finally landed on my back like a little monkey of doom.
I'm having a cup of tea trying to calm down. I think once the kids are in bed (as if I will be able to get them into bed, last time I babysat I thought they were asleep and snuck in to check on them to find one of them was wearing a princess dress and the other was completely naked and had fashioned herself a ball gown out of her mum's bed throw) I will get the old Pocahontas out and wait for the tears to start... How is it I am in a completely different situation and yet I am still fucking up Badly?
On the bright side, I've stopped biting my nails!
Here's a bit of Dolly Parton anyway. I couldn't find 'Bluer Pastures' on YouTube, but this is one of my favourite Dolly Parton songs: