Tuesday, 9 November 2010

Origins and Frontiers

Secret Garden Party have announced their theme for next year: Origins and Frontiers. This means I can go ahead and work on my authentic mermaid costume as planned, which obviously comes under 'Origins'.

And for anyone who doesn't think mermaids are 'obviously' origins-related: scientists are always banging on about how, '...somehow, life crawled out of the sea and turned into man, but we have yet to find the missing link...'

Erm, hello? What do you think the missing link is?!

It's mermaids!

I don't mean that one day a random fish grew a torso and long lustrous locks and fahsioned itself a cockle-shell bikini; obviously I know it happened over hundreds of thousands of years. My (100% accurate) guess is that fish developed arm type things to pull themselves out of the water which eventually created the mermaid. By some mutation, legs evolved and thus man began to bounce around the earth wearing sexy trousers and boots. The only slightly questionable thing about my excellent theory is that, if legs were a mutation, then does that mean that while Homo Sapiens walked the earth building Tescos and raping each other; mermaids carried on living under the sea and evolved their own society which could still be in existence right now? I think we can all agree the only possible answer is YES.

But the fact that we all descend from mermaids isn't that alarming. Scientists have only just discovered that some of us descend from Neanderthals and when I did Archaeology at A Level(thought I'd slip that in again as it gives my mermaid theory some credability... not that it needs it), we were taught 'Neanderthals all died out, we all descend from African Homo Sapiens.' So what is the point in believing bloody anything? In the end, it all comes down to what I have said many times before: it is o.k to just think of something you would like to have happened and pretend it really happened! Dragons? They happened (until Hitler came along). Faires? Still very much happening! Mermaids? Well, who would you rather be related to:

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