Wednesday, 29 September 2010

ZEN

What do you call an au pair who isn't allowed out past midnight?
GONE, baby!

O.k o.k, I need to regain my inner-zen and calmness. A midnight flit is not the answer, nor is behaving like a dirty scoundral in order to get fired and thus avoiding the whole 'I Quit' nightmare (worked in Corfu, not appropriate in Paris).

Hmmmmmm... breathe...

Tonight my long lost pal Lauren arrived in Paris, she is here for the year too and is the person I planned this whole adventure with last summer. I have been awaiting her arrival for weeks (well, almost three) and tonight I got the call that she was at the airport. It was half eight. I had told the family that she would be arriving at this time and although I did not make my plans concrete, there was obviously going to be some rendez-vousing.

I bounce up the mum and dad's room where they are both working with the door open, and casually let them know I will be going to meet Lauren. I apologise for the lateness even though in side I am screaming: 'It's not even late you madheads, in Liverpool there were nights when we wouldn't leave the house 'til 2am!!!'

The mum seems o.k. with it but the dad looks like I shat in his glasses and repositioned them on his face. He first tries to tell me I can't go out to meet her, which makes me so angry that I can't form words, a buzzing fills my head and the most I can comprehend is that my answer to his comment is negative, so I say NO over and over again like a loon.

He asks me what time I will be back. I say midnight and then he turns into Adamant Man, saying he has a responsibility to his children and that he will be letting them down by letting me look after them in such a tired state. I'm sorry, but EIGHT HOURS SLEEP is pretty fucking adequate when all I have to do is walk them to school and then I can sleep for six hours if need be before it is time to go and pick them up again.

I was in such a buzz fuzz of ardrenaline but I really needed a wee so I went to the loo and weeed as loudly as I could knowing they could hear me.

I was at the edge of Arguement Canyon. I could see the precipice before me; the angry ranting that would ensue, the tears that would come, the shaking of my hands, the ridiculous exaggerations I would spurt out in order to make my points...

Whilst I wiped, I decided to step back from the edge of Fightchester and teeter into Stony Silence Ville.

I walked to my bedroom and texted Lauren who told me to get on the web and look for a new family pronto.

This is the catalyst I've been waiting for, not wanting to change families merely for financial gain and an apartment of my own in case karma came a knocking. But now that I have decided it is definitely time to move on, is there anywhere to move on to? Will everything seem different in the morning and will I be undecided again? Will I be able to sleep tonight, knowing that in a parallel universe another me stealthily packs her backs and sneaks out into the dark hallway, suddenly making a run for it down the stairs as she hears a floorboard creak... I can imagine how hard my heart would be beating if that's what I was doing right now...

Instead of living out a daring escape I'm writing about what it might feel like on my blog, which makes me feel so depressed there's almost no point in getting another family, I may as well just stay here and never go out and get my thrills from sneaking secret chocolate from my knicker drawer... which reminds me!!

I think I'll go and eat some chocolate and pace about a bit. Then we shall see what tomorrow brings...

5 comments:

  1. Hi, I'm an au pair at the moment and am pretty much in this exact situation. Even the sneaking chocolate from my knicker drawer (except it's not a drawer, it's box. I don't have a wardrobe. I also sleep on a mattress on the floor. It is only til we move though but I don't know if I can live like this for that long.) I get paid a reasonable amount though but the kids are so difficult and I really want to change family, but this family are really nice so I'll feel bad but I can't keep living like this with these kids. Was it easy for you to get a new family and how did your old family take it?? x

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    1. I know exactly how you feel, it's a really difficult decision to make- whether to leave your au pair family or not! I told my au pair family over the phone because I had gone back to England for a week and they were on holiday. They weren't happy but they were only paying me 40 euros a week and I explained that there was no way I could afford to work them any longer. They had a week to find someone else. Why don't you try talking to the family first- explain to them that the children are so difficult that you want to go home and that don't like the living arrangement. Be honest with them and they will probably do their best to help you feel more at home. Do you think things will be better when they move?

      I found it really easy to get another job, I had a couple of job interviews and found a really nice family who paid me 150 euros a week! But even that job was hard at first because the kids were difficult, it took about two months for the kids to get used to me.

      If you are really not happy, don't feel bad about leaving- the family WILL find another au pair! Don't stay for a year and be miserable- talk to the family but if you really want to leave tell them you are unhappy and just go, honestly don't feel bad!! Hope this is useful x

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  2. Thanks for your advice. I found a new family who are in Paris and their kids are older. I know all kids will still be difficult but at least if they're older I can just ignore them! Their au pair had left the day before I'd contacted them due to homesickness so I saw that as fate!! She's told me that I can come as soon as my family have a new au pair, so tonight I need to talk to my current family and hope they understand. I'll do the whole it's not you, it's me thing! Haha x

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    1. Excellent news!! Wow it didn't take you long to find a new family! Good luck telling your current family, if it gets awkward just cry x

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  3. I cried!! Haha! I feel a bit bad but they understand. Looking forward to moving to Paris now! :) x

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