Monday, 27 September 2010

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now...

Hmm... I hate decision making. Last night I was convinced I was going to leave the family and get a new job with better pay and my own apartment, which a lot of au pairs have. Imgine, I could give people a free place to stay when they come over and visit me, I could start to pay my overdraft off instead of eating into it...

On the other hand, the family is really nice. Even when they say things like 'No tea in your room' and 'Don't use the bathroom when you come in late' they don't say it in a horrible way. I'd feel so bad leaving because I have their trust now and I can't just fuck off and leave them. They live in an amazing part of Paris and the dad is giving me one on one French tutoring which I need.

But then they are paying me pittance and I am slowly rotting away my finances like a cake-consuming monster.

Argh what to do, what to do? I feel that karma would come and get me if I swapped families for more money and I would end up with a horrible family or it wouldn't work out for Some Reason.

But I need more money!!! I need to drink tea in my room!!! I need to go out and not worry about when I come home!!! I need to choose and cook my own meals!!!

I've thought about trying to get a weekend job to solve my money problems, but then why should I get another job when most au pairs do the same hours as me for almost triple the pay, plus their own place, plus travel costs and French lessons?

We did say before I came over here that I could discuss the pay after I have been here a few weeks, but in reality that is going to be so awkward and I know they don't really have any money to spare, that's why they are paying me so little.

Damn damn damn. I can't wait til my chum Lauren arrives on Wednesday to work as a teaching assistant. Hopefully she will tell me what to do, but I know she will tell me to get a new family and I'm not sure if that's what I want. Surely that should tell me that I want to stay where I am? I want to try and learn to live without haemorraghing money every day but it's so haaaaard. I want things and food and I want to go out on the town every weekend.

I know my problems are laughable really; I have a job and somewhere to live and I'm getting three meals a day and I'm living in Paris, baby, and I have all my limbs in tact (touch wood)... But I don't have that new pair of boots I want.

I'm just a slave to consumerism...

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