Thursday, 30 September 2010

Dreary Times

This morning when I walked les enfants to school, I looked up and saw half the Eiffel Tower was missing. It was so foggy that it had halfway disappeared.

I wish I wasn't so superstitious but I have to take everything as a Sign and I read the tower as signifying an uncertain future for me and Paris. On my way back home the mist had cleared and the whole tower was as it should be but this only made me more worried as surely this was a Sign too? But I couldn't think what had changed to make the Eiffel Tower (the symbol of my Parisienne dream) whole again. Normally I will find some small gesture or slight change of mind and then I'll hold this up as a Great Sign to help me choose my next steps in life, but I couldn't think of one thing that might have made the Eiffel Tower whole again.

I'm putting some dreary, horrible photos up because this is how I feel. They're from the massive trek to horse riding we have to do every Wednesday (of Doom). It goes to show that wherever you are and whatever you're doing, there will always be depressing architecture. I'm trying to decide whether this revelation is a Sign that I should go home because Paris isn't as exciting as I imagined, it's just like home; or whether it is a Sign that I should stay here because no matter how bad things get they will be just as bad at home.

Tomorrow I think I will do some magical ceremony-type thing because it may seem mental, but last summer when I worked in a bakery-cum-cafe (oh how my food fortunes have changed!) and we needed to get more customers in, I did a magical ceremony-type thing in the doorway on a particularly painfully slow day and two minutes later, I am not even kidding, three youth leaders and twenty five troubled South London youths came round the corner and they all wanted iced buns.

If you believe in magic it starts to work, honest!

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